Take Me Away

2009-11-20T00:25:00.002+08:00

i have a lot to vent.
i don't think it's worth the effort anymore.
i wanna quit.
ya, i'll tell them that i'm gonna quit.
just watch me.

damn it.
i'm so bad at this.
why me in the first place?
was it a random choice?
why why why why?
looks like i haven't contributed enough.
so they're asking for more.
how much more?
so it's just me.
it's always me.
we're all in the same boat right?
so i'm just complaining and not doing anything.
i'm not helping the situation.
i knew i wasn't a good enough person.
i was never good enough for anyone anyway.

2009-09-04T09:41:00.000+08:00

Harumahn nibahng eui chim nae gah dwei goh shipuh (oh baby)
[kim jae joong]
Duh ddah seu hee poh geun hee nae poom eh gahm ssah ahn goh [muht jin oui moh kim jae joong]
Jae oo goh shipuh

Ah joo jahk eun dwei chuhk eem doh [bak yoo chun]
Nuh eui choh geu mahn sohk sahk eem eh
Nahn ggoom sohk eui gwei mool doh ee gyuh nae buh reel tehn deh [choi goh mae nuh bak yoo chun]

Nae gah uhp neun nuh eui hahroon [kim jae joong]
Uh duh geh heul ruh gah neun guhn jee
Nah reul uhl mah nah sarang hah neun jee
Nahn nuh moo nah goong geum hahn deh (goong geumhae~) [dongbangshingi]

Nuh eui jahk eun suh rahm sohk eui [kim joon soo]
Eel gee jahng ee dwei goh shipuh
Ahl soo uhp neun nuh eui geu bee meel doh
Nae mahm sohk eh dahm ah dool rae
Nuh mohl rae [mahl geun young hohn kim joon soo]

- (during music) -

[choi gahng ehm buh_kim jaejoong_jung yoonho_bak yoochun_kim joonsoo_shim changmin_dongbangshingi jjang!]

Hah roo mahn nuh eui goh yahng ee gah dwei goh shipuh [uh reen wahng jah shim chang min]
Nee gah joo neun mahd eet neun oo yoo wah
Boo deu ruh oon nee poom ahn eh suh [shim chang min]
Oom jeek ee neun jahng nahn eh doh
Nuh eui gwei yuh oon eem maht choom eh
Nah doh ool rae jeel too reul
Neu ggee doh ee suh nah bwah [kah ree soo mah jung yoon ho]

Nae mah eum ee ee ruhn guh yah
Nuh bahk gehn bohl soo uhp neun guh jee
Noogoo reul bwah doh uh dee ee suh doh
Nahn nuh mahn bah rah boh jahn hah [dongbangshingi]

Dahn ha roo mahn ah joo chin hahn [shim chang min]
Nuh eui ae een ee dwei goh shipuh [uh reen wahng jah shim chang min]

Nuh eui jah rahng doh ddae rohn too juhng doh
Dah deul eul soo ee seul tehn deh
Nuhl wee hae

In my heart in my soul
Nah eh geh sarang ee rahn
Ah jeek uh saek hajimahn
Ee seh sahng moh deun guhl nuh eh geh joo goh shipuh
Ggoom eh suh rah doh [dong.bang.shin.gi.jjang.]

Nae mah eum ee ee ruhn guh yah [uh reen wahng jah shim changmin]
Jee kyuh bohl soo mahn ee suh doh
Nuh moo kamsa hae mahn hee hengbok hae
Nah joh geum eun boo johk hae doh [kim joon soo]

Uhn jeh ggah jee nuh eui gyuht eh
Yuhn een eu roh eet goh shipuh
Nuh reul nae poom eh (nee gah nae poom eh)
Gah deuk ahn eun chae
Geud uh buh ryuh seu myuhn shipuh
Young wohn hee. [dong.bang.shin.gi.jjang.]

2009-08-30T22:08:00.002+08:00

i have a super duper ridiculously crazy obsession now... SHINee!!! And i'm going to korea during the second last week of holidays!!!! wheee!!!! awesome shit and life IS sweet afterall... I love Key!!! 김기범, 사랑해요...!!!! i'm hoping to bum into him on the streets while we're there... XD and then can take picture!!! wheee!!!! too bad that up till now, i STILL don't have a digital cam... one would think that by the age if 18, you shld at least have a digital cam... but NOOOO... all i got is my darling 2 megapixel camera phone... which is currently spoiled... T_T
gotta go get it fixed... haix...

2009-08-12T14:43:00.002+08:00

just thought i'd upload something different today...

my cousin's going to America, and i'm gonna miss him so much.

more than i can say, he's the only cousin i can talk to about dance.

the other cousin that i have who is also a dancer, i don't talk to her all that often.

i don't understand why my family can go on and on about my size,

but my friends can accept me for who i am.

they can go on about my looks, my hair, the condition of my skin,

my weight problem but they never tell me that i'm good at something.

they only say it when they see it.

they don't tell me that they believe in me.

they don't encourage me in dance.

everytime, day and night, studies studies studies.

hey, i haven't seen you in almost a year and all you can talk

about to me is my studies?

what about the basic, how are you? are you getting enough sleep?

are you eating well? is poly life stressful?

all they ever talk about is how i have to work hard to survive.

All. The. Time.

every single one of them, the same old thing.

i want to stop going to gatherings altogether, because if the stress they give me.

the unwanted, un-needed, extra stress.

i know they're concern about my health.

i mean, aren't i aware that i'm already overweight?

tell me something that i don't know about myself.

i just dunno what i'd do without him. really.

he's been through what i have and more.

he got the guts to pursue what he really loves and more.

i am not saying that i would love to be in his place.

but i just dunno how to deal without someone to confide in.

just when i found someone in the family that i can relate to...

it's only two months, but to me, two months is like forever.

i know that i've got to learn to be independant.

but sometimes, i need someone to lean on.

i need someone for support.

i give support to my friends because i love them.

i give support to my family because i love and adore them,

no matter what and how they treat me.

all i need is that one person to be there for me, day and night.

supports me unconditionally, willingly and without question.

it's so much to ask, but now, i really need that someone.

aren't i just pathetic? to ask for so much but give nothing in return?

i'm actually asking for support for myself, something i've never done

and never thought that i would ever need to do.

i am so pathetic as to cry over something like this.

maybe it's just mood swings, or that i'm in real pain.

or in real need of that someone, or something.

i've realized that the more i try to be happier, the sadder i become.

i havent felt like this in such a long time.

it's killing me slowly, but surely.

i don't want to give up on life altogether.

but why do i feel so much pain?

2009-08-10T10:28:00.000+08:00

it's been so long since i've updated anything here...
my life's so fast paced that i can't keep track of anything anymore...
i didn't know that my cousin had given birth already...
i didn't that my other cousin was going back to america with his family already...
it's hard to keep track these days but i try my best...

on a happier note, my mum bought me a new table and movable storage rack...
hahaha... whee!!! now i have proper table down here...
i dunno what i'm gonna do with the table on the platform...
maybe i'll use it as storage space again... =P

Assignment deadlines are so close...
Young NTUC is due on the 19th August,
Coffee table book due on 4th of September (last day of school).
YAY... holidays after that!!!

not much to blog about my life cause it's still
the same old same old thing...
dance, design, dance, design, dance, design, HIVE PARTY...
yeap... now on to researching on brochure design... haha... =P

2009-07-27T11:16:00.003+08:00

everytime i take a chance and believe in people,

i only ever get utter disappointment in return....

Please don't make me stop wanting to believe in you,

that we can work together.

I don't want to break anymore bonds of friendship.

Please.

2009-07-21T13:57:00.003+08:00

you rocked my world MJ, RIP.

i'm tired... cause the fan's blowing into my eyes, making them dry up like a prune...

i'm sick of school, sick of life...

sick of assignments...

it seems like school's not important right now...

it sucks to feel this way cause my grades are on the line,

and the fees are NOT CHEAP...

i'm afraid i'm gonna screw up so bad...

Why am i thinking about this only now?

Why have i become so un-enthusiastic about school?

Was it because being sick for a week, classes being cancelled or is because i'm becoming plain lazy that i'm feeling this way?

I don't like this feeling at all...

I feel so far away from where the rest of my classmates are...

It sucks to feel this way...

I have lost that drive that kept me going the whole of last year...

What happened to me?

Why am i losing interest?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Am i losing my mind?

Is the workload finally getting to me?

Why doesn't design get me excited anymore?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

I need help. =(

2009-07-12T23:48:00.002+08:00

hurray... i'm sick...
as in... really really, i'ma-bout-to-die-from-this-headache sick...
dunno if i should go to school tmr... cause i haven't exactly finished my slides for BDS...
and also, my body's just feels like it's temporarily useless...

i'm meeting nicole tmr to accompany her to look for a job...
yayness!!! more time with my girlfriend!!! XD
don't be surprised if i turned les one day cause no guys seems to like me...
hahahahhahaa....
anyway, i just wanted to say that i'm sorry if i did anything that
hurt you, or made you feel uneasy about talking to me so frequently...
the thing is that i love it that we're keeping in such close contact,
and that our friendship is one of the few that i've had that has
withstood the test of time and circumstances...
it's so bloody cheesy and corny, but yet this is how i feel...
my mum showed me my bill today and it was $102.98...
i was like OMFG WTF WTH?!?!€!€?!??!?!?!?!?!

!A;SKDFJ @#ASDF H;$AF AL%^&F AOJ* ADKFH;()

that's kinda why i was like, yah... you know...
i hope you understand, if i hurt your feelings, it was totally unintentional... =(
i love you babe! you'll always be an important and irreplaceable friend to me!!!

now that i've publically announced that i love nicole,
i feel the need to clarify that i am still straight and single and available...
ahhahahahaha.... ;D

okay, i'm gonna sleep off this headache, and i'm gonna rush my slides for BDS
tmr during lunch and as for DT, haixx......
PLEASE EXTEND THE DEADLINE!!!! XD

night world!

PS: R.I.P Michael Jackson. My heart goes out to his family, and most of all, his children... Yes, your daddy was the best daddy that we could ever imagined, there was nothing strange about him. What was strange, was all that he had to endure when he didn't do anything wrong... Love you M,J.

2009-07-08T11:15:00.002+08:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

this is the first time in a long while that i've cried in class.

2009-06-29T12:43:00.005+08:00

THE major highlight about this holiday,
was THE BIG GROOVE concert that was held on the 28 June 2009.
The most awesome dance concert I've been
to yet, and I was sitting in the first 10 rows in front
of the STAGE!!!!

Crews That Performed:
O Crew
Styles from Beyond
Funky Ziggy
5+5
Philippine All Stars
Cool Mint
Wrecking Crew Orchestra
SD Crew
Freaky Klownz
United Dance Works
Danz People
Floor Techniques Crew
Lion City Lockers
NRA
Pink Dollar Crew
Poppers Action Party
Trademark

O Crew rocked the stage with their Michael Jackson impersonation in memory of him. So did Styles from Beyond. Although I felt that the MCs ******, the entire concert was one that I will never forget seeing. WCO was DOPE, so were the Philippine All Stars and just, all the performers who danced. Not only because it was super duper off the hook DOPE, but also because I watched it with the SDZ family! =D We were all inspired by what we saw last night, and we will keep working hard so that we can perform on THAT very stage with the crews from overseas, whom we all idolized after more than 2 hrs of watching them in Dance Heaven... Aka The Big Groove. The energy and atmosphere was so awesome! There was so much dancing going on, that we didn't notice that it was nearly 11pm when it all ended (tear...)

PS: I think now, more than ever, that Fredy is just so HOT when he dances! XD

Watched Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past and Transformers with Clara on Thursday.
While watching Transformers in the cinema, I received an sms from my mum,
asking whether I was free the next day cause my uncles were planning to have
a family dinner. To me, family comes first. So I cancelled the plans I made with
Nicole, and we planned this outing close to two weeks ago so that it wouldn't clash
with anything else. The next day, when I went down to that place where the restaurant
was at, I gave my mum a call, asking whether they were there yet. Her reply was, "oh the dinner is tomorrow, Saturday. I thought you knew."
No Mother, I didn't know.
Thanks a lot.
When told her that I cancelled plans with a friend that we had made two weeks in advance,
she didn't seem to care, there was no apology, no nothing.

I hate it when these things happen. I just HATE it. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT.
I just hate it when people refuse to apologize.
I might seem childish now. But what would you have done if you were in my shoes?

R.I.P Michael Jackson. You were my first inspiration to start dancing, and you have inspired me through your music to carry on with life. This legendary icon will continue to inspire me, God bless his soul and his family and friends. They are going through a tougher time that any of us in the world. Michael, you and your music will continue to live on through all your fanatics and all the good that you have done in your short time on this earth.

2009-06-14T02:25:00.005+08:00

I had one hell of a movie marathorn this week!

Awesome movies with awesome people!

Thanks Gen for meeting me so last minute!

Sorry Clara for being late, and thanks for making me watch

Hannah Montana and all the talks we had!

However, I feel like I should spend more time with my family

cause it seems like I'm missing out on a lot due

to my crazy commitment to dance and yah... dance...

Last time, it was my mum who didn't have time for me

cause she was always at work and earning money to

support the household, cause she was a single parent...

But at least we got to spend most of the weekends together....!

And when I was still doing latin, we spent practically

every day together that year... and of course, with my brother Ryan...

the three of us were so tight and somehow,

I would automatically hate anyone who came between us...

But Mum got married and it was impossible to hate

my step-dad cause he is such a sweet and nice person,

and I saw that my mum had finally found happiness...

I told myself over and over and over and over again that year,

as long as Mumie is happy, I will be happy...

But I never thought that it would be so hard to talk to her after that...

Now, it seems like it is me who doesn't have time for family...

I'm not working, but my school and cca are taking up

so much time that I can barely keep up myself, let alone my mum...

so many things I wanted to tell her that happened in school

but I can never because either I'm not around, or she's not around...

one entire year of events to tell her about,

she missed an entire year of my life save for waves 13,

which she came for the free matinee show with Ryan and two of my aunts...

it seems like I can talk to anyone about school but her...

I don't know how to talk to her cause it's just been too long,

and it just seems so hard to open up to her now...

dance is a big thing, cause it's what I've always wanted to do...

it seems like i've given up on tell her what's going on

in my life long ago, because when i do talk about it she

just seems uninterested or just to tired or,

she's got something else to talk to me about, like my phone bill,

my sleeping habits, my diet, my weight and everything else

that seems to be a huge issue in my life...

i need serious help.

2009-06-09T19:55:00.003+08:00

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEE
EEEE
EEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEE
EEEE
EEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Guess who?

2009-06-04T14:34:00.002+08:00

what a week... this week i learnt something new...
or rather i realized somethings...
oh yah... and Natt says "HI" to everyone cause
she's sitting next to me in DT2 class now... =D
and doing silly things... i can't comprehend why
she asked Cerlyn to draw eyes on her hands with a marker...

Pussycat Dolls in less than 6 hours!!!
Awesome shit....
i think i have to stop going to all these concerts
if i wanna save money... Geez... =P

Thanks Ethel, Jug, Yvonne, Augustin and Allen
for the awesome talks and jokes last night...!
I love being around SDZ ppl cause they're DOPE...

i'm tired dammit... and i haven't eaten as well...
awww f***...

Overnighting with NICOLE tomorrow!!! XD
And I am NOT wasting my time at a press conference
that I am actually not involved in...
but they're my classmates and i have to go support them...
what to do? i think i'll leave early lah... =P
we're gonna have an awesome time
at T3 of the Changi Airport...!!!
OMG OMG OMG OMG I CAN'T WAIT!!! =D

okok i'm gonna go pay attention in class now... hehhhehe...

2009-05-25T10:44:00.002+08:00

to put it VERY bluntly:

1) woke up late

2) car accident

good thing:

1) presented on time

2) i'm still alive

3) everything's ok

Best thing in the ENTIRE world:

MY MUM <3

Thank you Lord for giving me a mother who cares. =D

2009-05-14T23:24:00.002+08:00

LOVE THE PHOTOGRAPHY.

i'm burning out too fast and i haven't done any

actual work yet... jeez...

dance is taking up all of my time and energy...

not that i'm complaining... ;)

but it's like... if i'm not dancing after school,

i dunno what to do with myself... haha...

finally my windows XP can connect to my home internet...

how awesome is that?

now i can do my work, AND have the luxury of the internet...

yip yip yip yip yeeepeee!!!!

i think i'm going bonkers...

i'm so different from what i was in secondary school...

i think it's because i'm much happier

and i'm in a much happier place... environment...

i've found new friends who i can trust...

speaking of which... i find myself very distant

from my classmates nowadays...

maybe it's because i'm not used to being

around them cause i've spent 90% of my

holidays with SDZ and no one else...

unless you count the tweety that i sleep with

and my family who i see everyday... hmmm...

somehow i feel so awkward by just being in class...

it's so weird... i dunno...?

i suppose i can talk to like mr lau about this or something

but i think it's my own personal problem...

yes, even i have flaws when i comes to relationships

with people... in general...?

when i spend too much time with a group

of people, i tend to ignore the rest of the people

that i know...

for example... i spent 50 out of 65 days with SDZ

during the 2 month holiday...

and now i seem to be keeping a distance between

my classmates and myself...

i dunno... but i just feel that way... geez...

WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?!

2009-05-09T11:01:00.002+08:00

i feel that performers should be treated with respect.
i feel that organisers should treat performers like how human beings should be treated.
performers should not be "things" that you use just to make your events more interesting.
they should be PEOPLE, fellow HUMAN BEINGS that you admire for what they do,
therefore, you want the crowd that you will be having at your event to APPRECIATE them for what they do.

"If you prick us do we not bleed?
If you tickle us do we not laugh?
If you poison us do we not die?
And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?"

- William Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice

2009-05-05T02:25:00.002+08:00

taken from Amelia's tumblr.

i think they must've misunderstood what i was trying to tell them...

oh well, ignorance is bliss...

But not for me it isn't....

ignorance is 100% suicide and i would know it....

so many performances coming up i think i'm gonna DIE...

running outta TIME to do my work....

running outta ENERGY...

i need to plan my time SUPER DUPER carefully...

PLAN a freaking TIMELINE to get things DONE while i still can...

i am STUCK... i'm in 45% depression...

55% of the time i seem normal but you have NO IDEA....

i'm a night person. But the vodafone's not befriending me tonight.... :(

so many things to do, and so little time...

am i going to take this kinda shit lying down...?

or am i going to stand up again and fight?

THINK OUTTA THE BOX.

how hard can it be....?

i'm thinking about the same crap over and over again...

it's been a month and i'm still brooding about it in my head...

every day.... at least for half a second... LOL...

i tend to think about a lot of things in my head...

in fact i'm a very deep thinker...

but it doesn't seem to be helping in this profession that i am pursuing...

*hits head on the wall*

GO AHEAD, KILL ME... GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH...

2009-05-04T14:34:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL IS KILLING ME

enough said. :(

2009-04-30T11:02:00.003+08:00

i am tired.

i am falling sick.

i have fallen into a state of sudden depression.

HELP

what do you do when things seem to fall

apart right before your eyes?

what do you do when all the effort that

you put in seem to be going down the drain?

YOU FORCE YOURSELF TO DO BETTER

there is not definition of good or bad now.

there is only the grey areas that i seem to

be falling into so very often.

was late for class AGAIN on wednesday...

i was late for class LAST wednesday...

if this goes on my attendance can very well be a big fat ZERO.

is there a way to wake up earlier for wednesday lessons?

i didnt hear all 3 of my alarms.... like WTF?!?!?!!??!

maybe i should put a cork in it,

quit whining about all this...

and just grit my teeth and DO IT...

i quote Adidas:"Impossible is Nothing".

2009-04-25T10:42:00.003+08:00

First week of school was awesome.
I've rediscovered myself, who i am, and who i want to be.
I want to make a commitment to do my best in this course.
I want to do it for myself, my mum, and our future.
I want to be able to support my mum and myself, financially, as soon as possible.
I want to give her a better life, for all that she has done for me and my brother.
All this I want, but how do I achieve it?
One step at a time...
I realize that despite all the crappy things between us,
we are still mother and daughter,
we should be living in peace and harmony.
I appreciate her, I love her and I want her to be happy.

People change and things are never what they seem to be.
Be fucking grateful with what you have.
I don't have anything to say to a person who doesn't
appreciate the thought of a gift.
Maybe I'm over-reacting but I don't give a shit about it.
If everyone says the same thing about the situation,
then I'm not the one with the problem.
On the contrary, it's the other party.
Screw you.
You've changed, but I don't know why.

2009-04-21T16:22:00.002+08:00

i was late for my first lecture of the semester...
hahahaha....
i think the lecturer couldn't get over my red hair
and forgot that i didn't come for lecture... LOLS...

3DMaya is boring cause we can't use
the desktops that has the ACTUAL programe in it...
ZZzzZZZz... irritating...
and there is all the projects that needs A LOT of computer time...
and we CAN'T share the damn things cause
the people doing their FYP's got the priority....
ZZzzzZZ.... i should come like in the morning when there are no
classes in the room when i go do my project...

rotting in class now... i need to try to pay attention....
=P

2009-04-20T00:34:00.001+08:00

i'm damn tired....
holidays have come to an end!!!
and i'm STILL short on cash... zzZZzz....
8am lecture bright and early tmr....
and oh how my ass hurts...
will blog more tmr when i've gotten enough sleep...
hahahah....
night people...

XD

2009-04-16T02:00:00.003+08:00

it's finally over....

i just feel so messed up now...
i don't know what to think...

good job girls...!!!
i'm so glad we pulled through this together...!!!
anyone who wants to form a crew just let me know k? ;)

today's genre showcase was the f*cking sh*t man....
i think that the best was the popping performance...
all of them were so freaking DOPE...

seeing ppl improve like this movitates me all the more...
i needa train waacking and street jazz...
hopefully i can get the $$ from my mum or something
to take classes.... hmmms....
i had better open my mouth and ask soon...
or else i won't be able to sign up... like... EVER... ZZzzZzzZZ....

ok i'm gonna go watch my drama...
hehehe... Jiro Wang is the best guitarist i've ever seen...
it's like he's jimmy hendrix or something.... Geez...
but i wonder why he's in fahrenheit....

2009-04-11T10:18:00.003+08:00

i'm so tired!!!!

been dancing almost like non-stop of the past two weeks...

because of the genre showcase on wednesday, we cannot slack!!!

all the more, we should CHIONG like no one's business!!!

i've got like 4 performances on monday in all... GEEZ...
but i'm thankful to Uncle (Kenneth) for putting me in the performance team...!!!
i will work hard and represent the club!!! (does a salute)
girl's hip hop ah... girl's hip hop....
not that i wanna say you all ah....
but really.... GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER ALREADY...
we can do it!!! but we need every single one of you to make it work...

now that i got that out...
i hate to name names...
must control!!!! (zips mouth)

Jiro from Fahrenheit is sooo hot!!!
and he's practically a guitar-god!!!!
hahahaha....!!! whoots!!!!
okay okay random much....
too much taiwan drama already....

we have to appreciate and cherish what we have...
because a day would come, where it might all come to an end...
we will miss it and we will regret our actions...
don't do something that you will regret...

2009-04-02T02:04:00.004+08:00

this is sooooo weird.... OMG....

Girls Hip Hop Phone web...

a few minor changes...

2009-03-31T03:40:00.003+08:00

i'm kinda pissed right now.
i mean yah, i rarely get this pissed to cut the line.
i really don't know how to help them.
or rather, i don't want to anymore.
they're on their own, here on out.
i'm not gonna pay attention to them any longer
quit giving excuses.
it's not for me to hear, it's for you people to feel secure.
it's no use for me to keep telling some of you guys,
the same things over and over.
you guys very well know what you can and cannot do,
what you have to work on so that you look good.
you know your own standards so do something about it already.
i'm not that great myself, at least i'm doing something about it.
i hope that we're all in this together.
because if we aren't there's nothing else we can do to make it better.

what i'm pissed about is not the fact that only a few turned up.
what i'm pissed about is the fact that no one else,
besides a handful, are showing any serious interest in this.
i'm grateful to those that made effort to come down.
i'm grateful to the people that taught me the choreo.
i don't think i'm all that great.
i was nominated, so what?
it doesn't make me any different from anyone else.
the only difference is that slight difference in steps we have to do.
i hope that we can pull through this and put on a good show,
for ourselves if we want a show this year.

i hope i've wasted enough smses. <------ enough said

2009-03-26T17:11:00.002+08:00

4 days into the week and i'm already eating into my first pay... =.="
i definitely have to be more careful with my money...
and YES!!! i can sign up for that 3 months 15 classes at studio wu with Brian!!!
hahahah...!!!! i'm so fucking happy!!!
all i need is $80 more from my mum and i PRAY that she'll give it to me...

anyway... i need to let this out of my system because of
something that Bin told us, Girl's hip hop...

Dear Mel,
I am so sorry that I didn't reply to your post on forum...
it wasn't until later that night that I checked the forum
that i knew of the choice of dates and timings to pick for waackin' training...
I know that it's not easy for you to find time to come
down and teach us as and when we want it because
you are working and on top of that, you still of to do a choreo for us,
clean up steps, train technique and all of that...
I understand that if you're angry and frustrated with us,
and disappointed (not to mention)...
Once again, i'm so so sorry...

ooh i feel better... :D
i mean... i feel bad about not checking the forum
earlier than i usually do...
and yes i feel that i am taking some things for granted...
i just hope that i can change for the better (as always)...
i just hope that i, or any of us in girl's hip hop,
do not continue to disappoint Khai or Mel because
it is not easy to teach, clean up, train technique,
arrange time and place for us...
i find that they're doing this for us because they
believed in us, and they believed that will not
take it for granted, but instead cherish and appreciate
the efforts that they are putting in...

i have thought about what it would be like if i
were in any of their shoes...
honestly, i wouldn't've been able to cope if i was Mel...
and as for Khai...
she just graduated and is looking for a job,
or she is already doing some freelance designing...
on top having to complete her work,
she still needs to take all the crap that we give her...
like coming in late (yeah i do sometimes),
giving her the same thing that she saw the previous week
(showing no improvement)

i, myself have looked back on how i spent my day
and i do take things told to me into consideration...
people say that i think too much...
but for me, most of the time, thinking too much
and taking people's feelings into consideration is better
than not thinking at all and just doing what i want...
sometimes i will do things on impulse (hey, no one's perfect yeah?)
and sometimes i will hold back and think before acting...

i am trying to think of ways to help myself
improve in terms of technique in my dance...
sometimes i am afraid of asking because
i do not want to give too much trouble to the seniors...
but i know that that won't help me at all...
hmmm... and maybe i should consider taking up a a course at
either oschool or studio wu.... ;)

2009-03-23T13:45:00.000+08:00

I for one had a fruitful week...

HAHAHAA....

Or you can call it a week where i spent the most $$$ recently...

Heart pain ah.... *ouchies!*

The fun began in Tuesday...

Went to school for a mini girl's hip hop session...

Then went to meet Clara at PS to watch

THE TALE OF DESPERAUX...!!! *does the opera like voice*

hahahaa... fun and cute movie!!! LOL...

Wednesday was more fun with Bin's ultimate stretching excercise!!!
WHOOO!!!!! I felt like a rubber band after that!!!
hahahaha...!!!! LOL..!!!!
then it was girl's hip hop, continued with more choreo and practise...
we seriously have to clean up our steps.... Geez...

Thursday was hip hop session! but i was already booked by Clara... -.-"
so we went out and.... like loitered around dhoby...?
and i helped her do her math homework...
surprising i still remember how to balance the equations after
2 years of not touching math... haa hah...!!!
more fun as we walked and walked and talked and talked...
went off early, cause i thought that she would be
going to the IT fair at suntect with her mum...
but NOOO... she told me that her mum would bring her the next day...
we could've spent more time together though... *mumble mumble*

Friday was out again with primary school friends! and that includes Clara...!!!
So we went and watched Legend of Chun Li with Wan Zhen and my brother joined us for the day!!!
ooh and guess what? my grandma sponsered our expenses for the day!!!
phew!!!! if not this day would've left an unpatchable hole in my pocket...
then we met up with jasmine at vivo
and then ellen joined us at serangoon gardens
where we were supposed to meet at the coffee bean
but it was under renovaton... =.="
we ended up going to kovan for dinner at NYDC...
WHOA!!! the food there was awesome!!!
got to hang and talk to them a little bit and catch
up and stuff...
and Clara was going around asking everyone of them
whether they have a bf or not... -.-"
hahahaha...!!!! YAH!!! like WTH right? LOLS...!!!

Saturday was supposedly the day that i was to go for
MTV groove open class at oschool...
BUT... Mr Edmond was late... so we couldn't make it in time... -.-"
ahhaha... but never mind..!!!
we took locking 1 open class instead...!!!
it was still a lot of fun...!!! but it's not THAT easy okay...!!!
hahahah...!!!

Didn't do much on sunday... slacked at home...
slept most of the time... hahahah... then i couldn't
sleep at night!!! lols...

yupss... that sums up my week of activities!!!

2009-03-14T20:50:00.002+08:00

today was pretty okay... kind tired though... *grumbles*
i was supposed to meet aihui in the wee hours of the morning for dance practise...
in the end i pang seh her... i feel kinda bad though.... :(
i dunno if she went to school to practise with the modern dancers anyway...
URGH...!!!

i dunno what to think anymore...
today was like "super wake-the-hell-up" day for me...
so FINE... i don't know how to properly put on make up...
SO WHAT?!
it doesn't make sense that some people think that every girl
should wear make up just because she can...
so you don't find me as mature as i should be,
compared to another person a year younger than me...
or persons younger than me by a couple of years...
SO WHAT?!
i can't be myself around some people because they
would want to hint here and there,
telling me that i should be this way just because
a girl should/supposed to/must do all these things to be a proper lady...

for the first time in a very and extremely long time,
today, i felt that i was utterly UGLY and uncivilized...
amongst all the girls who were petite, well mannered,
sweet looking, demure and all things pretty and coy,
i felt like the thorn among the roses... and YES, i mean even among the guys...
i felt so unrefined, raw, vulnerable, helpless and insignificant in that world now...

today was not a good day.
tomorrow will better cause i'll be partying my ass off at ROMPE @ ZOUK...
with SDZ (those who are coming down anyway) and i might meet Nikki there,
so it will be totally cool, fun and i can just party and drink till i drop dead! XD

my friend "low self-esteem" has come back...
and so has "fear", "depression", and "anger"...
i don't need all these in my life right now...
seriously... i'm supposed to be happy during my holidays...

I NEED ANOTHER HUG!!! :(

2009-03-12T00:10:00.002+08:00

Work it harder make it better,
Do it faster makes us stronger,
More than ever, hour after
Hour work is never over

Th-th-that that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can't get much wronger
Man I been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on ya

EVERYBODY!!!!
Let's work harder than ever together!!!
The work will only make us stronger,
It will only bond us together!

Training was as tough as last week's...
I don't get tired easily now...
If i'm out of breath, the hell i'd still keep on going...
But it's not my stamina this time...
This time, it's my muscles...
They're physically weak and I need to train them up...
It sucks when I want to push myself to the max, but my body just doesn't want to co-operate...
I agree that we, the juniors/soon to be seniors of SDZ, are moving at a very slow pace...
Yes, I am worried...
Yes, I am stressed...
Yes, I am ashamed because I don't feel that I'm giving it my all...
How many hours to the other train, practise, and have sessions on their own?
And how many hours have I put in?
I don't feel that I'm living up to expectations at all...
I NEED TO BUCK UP!!!!

My body's currently in what I'd call "healing mode"...
Cause it's healing all the areas where I feel pain and strain...
Rest up for 1 day and I want to get back to training...

------------> Latin or Hip Hop? That is the question... <---------------

PS: please tag if you read my blog. It'd be nice to know who actually reads my crap... Haha... (:

2009-03-10T23:43:00.002+08:00

i am feeling particularly lazy today...

so i'm just gonna tell you about each of these pictures as we go alright?

hahahahah...

this is the (takes a deep breath and speaks really quickly)

SUPERDUPER AWESOMELY CHEAP AND DOPEST FINDS I'VE EVER FOUND AT A SHOE SALE!!!!!

thisn one only costs about $52 after discount... like WTF?!?!?!?!

CHEAP SIAL!!!!

and and and and i found this super duper awesome G-Unit white reeboks!!!!

AAAAAHHH!!!!!!! AWESOME-NESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! *RUNS AROUND THE ROOM IN EXCITEMENT*

this one was about $60 after discount....

WTF?!?!?!?! BLOODY CHEAP!!!! XD

and THESE are the DOPEST headphones i've ever seen in my entire life...!!!

and i can't bloody afford them cause they're too bloody expensive!!!

but i'd still get one if i had the ka-ching.... ;)

FREAKING GOLD ONES!!!!!!

YES MY FRIEND... THAT IS PINK FUR...

oh yeah... i went to visit the Sengkang library a couple of days back....

AND i saw THIS photography display!!!!

Looks familiar to you?

hahaha....

total awesome-ness mann...

good job!!!

last monday, i back to school after tuitioning my cousin...

for a BBQ by SD club!!!!

the satay was freakingly-delicious!!!!

good job wing tong!!!!

but the chicken wings didn't come out too right...

=.="

This was taken after that BBQ we had at Jusin's for Yuya.

Awesome eh?

looks like there are a lotta rooms... hahahaha....

awesome optical illusion....

i know that i've been using the word "awesome" so many times in this post...

hahahahahaha....

but i can't help it...

when i'm happy, everything is either awesome or awesome-ness!!!!

training tomorrow!!!!

gotta finish my green beans and head off to sleep!!!

the torture began two weeks ago...

OMG....

JIA YOU PPL!!!!

i'll update about today, tomorrow when i have more time to sleep till the next day...

2009-03-05T03:03:00.002+08:00

Thoughts of you are running through my mind....
Is it just another crush?
There's no racing of the heart, sweaty plams and butterflies in my stomach this time...

TRAINING WAS AWESOME!!!!
I love getting tortured like that... =P
WHOO HOO!!!
But I had that nasty "hidden" cough that I just cannot seem to get rid of...
Punking was very challenging today...
I learnt LOADS of stuff...!!! Now I just need to put it into practise... (easier said than done!)

I need to work on my lousy stamina, lose weight, eat healthy and work on my self esteem and keep my ego in check...

You're so cute.
But I can't trust my heart right now.
"Closed up from love, I didn't need the pain.
Once or twice is enough, and it was all in vain.
Time starts to pass, before you know it you're frozen".

2009-03-03T16:41:00.005+08:00

I have too much time on my hands.

Someone please give me something to do.

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!

Maybe I should go work on my illustrations.

I suck at what I do...

2009-03-03T15:30:00.003+08:00

YAY...!!!

I'm sick again...

I'm down with another bad cough and phelgm... EEEKK!!!!

and I'm still singing songs in my room like nobody's business...

The weather's not getting any better either...

hmmmm...

Time for makan....

And all the roads we have to walk are winding

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

There are many things that I would

Like to say to you

But I don't know how

2009-03-01T16:03:00.002+08:00

What's up with the weather these days huh?

It's like sunny, with dark overcast and looks like it's gonna rain!!!!

I wanna go for my run!!!

But the cramps and the scraps on my knees that I got from

falling while blading in wet ground during DCMD 01's class chalet are stopping me...

T_T I wanna recover fast and lose some fricking weight!!!!

2009-02-21T01:30:00.001+08:00

RANDOM QUIZZES!!!!
okay... not THAT random...

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Commitment Even though it may not always seem like it, deep down you are afraid of being committed to anything serious. You love the feeling of being carefree and not having anything tying you down. You're afraid that someone or something that may tie you down in life, will keep you from reaching other goals. You may also be afraid of getting hurt. You need to open yourself up more to possibilities and realize that sometimes it's good to be committed to something that you really care about. Just because you're an independent, free-spirited person doesn't mean that being committed to anything is going to change who you are.
Where Your life is Going
Disappointment
Looked down on
Losing Someone
Death
Being Alone
http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_is_your_true_fear">What is your True Fear? http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Which Positive Quality Are You? Your Result: Love You are Love. Love is the glue that binds us all together. The love of family, the love of friends, the love between husbands and their wives--these things form the foundation of our happiness, our security, and our comfort. "All you need is love."
Friendship
Charity
Courage
Faith
Peace
http://www.gotoquiz.com/which_positive_quality_are_you">Which Positive Quality Are You? http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

ANIMOLOGY: What Animal Are You? Your Result: Silver and Red Wolf howl You're a very strong person. You tend to be naive most of the time, but when in love boy do you know how to get around! You prefer to be quite around adults. Your soul mate is the gold falcon. You're in conflict with the maroon panda.
Teal Cat
Blue Fox
Tan Giraffe
Gold Falcon
Ocre and Gray Dolphin
Red Jaguar
Yellow Trout
http://www.gotoquiz.com/animology_what_animal_are_you">ANIMOLOGY: What Animal Are You? http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

2009-02-20T00:47:00.002+08:00

WHEEEE!!!!

I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS GUY...

okok so i'm still stuck doing assignments...

i'm trying to blog before i do a 500 word reflective essay...

yes and maybe it will work...!!! hahahaha....

but unfortunately i can't like type it like i blog here...

but no matter i think that it will help...

considering that i haven't been typing much lately...

but like yeah whatever i 'm just typing whatever comes to mind

and please please please forgive me if i've overlooked typo errors...

hahaha... i seem to be making a lot of them unintentionally....

YAY!!!

Movie marathorn at T14 after all the crappy submissions!!!

hahaahha...

i think i'll finish DT by 4am...

and then i'll sleep...

and then i'll go to school early tmr to finish up HCD assignment...

OMG i MUST MUST MUST stop this bad habit

of not paying enough attention in class....

i need a fresh new start and a fresh new beginning...

i need to change my habits...

and i need to put in more effort in my future assignments!!!

honeymoon's over mann.....

time to put my nose to the grindstone and work my ass off the next acad year...

hopefully i can cope with dance trainings...

i mean Khai did it... so why can't i?

i have very poor time management...

it sucks to admit it right here, right now...

but yeah i have very very poor time management...

like now i'm supposed to be doing work,

but here i am blogging away, hoping that it would help

when i continue writing that reflective essay...

because i totally dunno what else to write...

yeah after 266 words i have no idea what else to write...

what happened to the Shina who wrote like 600++ words for O levels??

i think that i just have not much to write anymore...

OR....

it's because i'm not used to typing so much...

i much prefer pen and paper...

but there's not enough time already...

haixx....

JIA YOU SHINA!!!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

YOU ARE SUPER WOMAN!!!

NO NEED CAFFINE OR SLEEP!!!

HAIK!!!

2009-02-18T22:34:00.002+08:00

吃饭吃到睡了

我开车开到傻了

我看书看到你了

开始怀疑我怎么了

说话说到吐了

我写歌写到疯了

我爱你爱到盲了

天知道我又怎么了

不舍得舍不得都分手了

舍不得不舍得散了

爱是你的是我的完了

原来我只是突然累了

原来我不说了

原来我撑着撑到麻了

原来我不爱了

哒啦

原来我不爱了

i've finally figured out what's wrong
i will try to change for the better
i will put in 100% effort for every assignment in Year 2
i will learn to manage my time better
and i will 拼到最后！

i've learned to take thing seriously...
now...
I SERIOUSLY NEED TO FIND A JOB!!!!
phew... *wipes sweat*

but after this week's load of assignments and saturday's BBQ for YouYa...

2009-02-16T16:40:00.002+08:00

sometimes i just feel like there's nothing for me to be happy about...
okay... maybe happy to be alive and be able to do what i like...
but i haven't really found my purpose here...
maybe i should have already found a purpose cause i'm 18...
i wish i was younger... like...
back in sec school when there were no worries at all...
i only needed to worry about getting my homework done on time
and how to teach my Girl Guide juniors footdrill... and how to scold them...
so carefree... those were the times...
i feel like going back to study for O levels again...
trust me, O levels are a piece of cake... it's not scary at all...

what's scary to me now, is that i have no direction whatsoever...
i have too many loves and interests... i dunno what i want anymore...
design is a must that i have to do, and it's something that i want to do...
i'm just wondering if i can push the boundaries and do more things...
like i want to be able to play the guitar, the piano...
and i want to be able to dance as a professional...
it's possible but i don't know if i have the ability and
endurance to overcome every obstacle that comes my way...

i do think 3 times before i say anything
unless it was in the spur of the moment
that i felt truly hurt and my emotions just got the best of me...

i'm such a loser.
i think even SHE's better than me.
well she's got someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with her...
*shakes head*
i'm not sad about being single.
in fact i don't even want a bf anymore.
i'm better off on my own for the rest of my life...
i can travel, i can party, i can drink and get drunk,
what's not to like about being single, am i right?

i'm trying to be happy. is that so wrong?

2009-02-14T01:27:00.004+08:00

Cries in a distance

Can’t stop the tremble

I’m just awaiting my turn

Hiding will never

Save me forever

The guns gonna get me for sure

Dear God I pray why won’t you be my friend

Come to me and take my hand

Like mama would say

Everything will be okay

Cause all I hear is 3 2 1

A scream from the guns

And then one by one

No one gets to run

Someone’s dad or mom

Sister, brother and son

No…no…

Cause all I feel is 1 2 3

My tears start to bleed

Smell of roses on my feet

I feel sore… I fall…

I call… I crawl...

holidays are coming...!!!

but i don't feel any different about it...

the only thing that's different is that

my schedule's pretty much opened up

and i feel less stress than when i'm

stressing about ideas for so many assignments...

i hope that after this holiday there will

be some changes in my life...

YAY... movie marathorn with DCMD 01 next Friday!!! XD

hopefully i don't fall asleep after the 1st movie...

hahahaha...

only 2 assignments left + betty edwards and sketch book...

aiya can one lah...

but i hope to get some sleep this time...

FLASH TO BE COMPLETED BY SUNDAY!!!

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE MUST COMPLETE!!! >.<"

if not i cannot rest enough for my presentation the next day...

and i'm going for JJ Lin's concert on the 28th!!!!

ANYONE WANNA GO WITH ME?

i feel so emo nowadays...

JJ's lyrics are so deep and some are especially profound...

nevertheless i love them all... ^_^ *feels all lovey dovey fluffy inside*

i'm starting to forget you...

i wonder if it's a good or bad thing...

i don't think of you as much...

sometimes i don't even remember your face...

the person i dream about holds me tight...

but that person is not you...

something tells me he will be someone better

and he will treat me the way i should and want to be treated...

i'm not bleeding anymore...

i'm not hurting anymore...

i'm feeling a lot better now...

but i still wish i had someone...

maybe i don't need that someone now...

but i wish i'd knew who they'd be in the future...

how cool will it be to be able to look into the future?

haha...

2009-02-11T17:38:00.002+08:00

i can always fall back on JJ's music to make me feel better. (:

somethings ppl won't understand about me:

1) when i like a certain artist, i love them, i read inbetween the lines of their music, a memorize lyrics, i listen to their songs over and over again...

2) ppl have NO idea how seriously i take song lyrics...

3) music has helped me through every shit that happened in my life. it's not something that i listen to, to enjoy, relax, and take it as a hobby. music IS my life.

4) without music, there will not be a Shina here today.

alright... back to VDS-ing...

我还在寻找一个依靠和一个拥抱

2009-02-10T01:09:00.003+08:00

我觉得自己的性格很差，

没想到我这总人还能有纯在。

i really really can't take this anymore...

i'm feeling so crapped and f-ed up

the i don't see the bright side of things anymore...

i am mentally and emotionally unstable right now

and that it's not funny at all...

it was never meant to be funny in the first place...

i'm just lying to myself...

telling myself that i can get over it real quick...

i'm feel like the most useless person in the world right now...

i can't get over it,

i can't get over myself,

i can't get over these feelings,

i can't focus on my work,

i can't do anything...

i'm feeling so helpless and desperate for

another kind of understanding...

i don't need someone to tell me that i'm

stupid to hold on to things like these...

i don't need someone to tell me that crying over something like this is no use...

i don't need anyone to tell me that i'm being stupid...

i don't need anymore shit right now...

i'm fucked up as it is...

i'm gonna be like this for a long time...

please bear with me or leave me alone for all i care...

i was always alone in secondary school and i can be alone again...

i had friends who didn't understand or were to busy

with superficial things to notice what they were becoming...

too busy to notice that i wasn't around anymore...

i guess i'm not as important as they say...

i was never important to anyone and i'll never be...

i want to be there for people who need me...

so that i could feel wanted and important...

i felt that i belonged for a while...

it was all an illusion that i made it look like what i wanted it to be

but now i know that i was wrong to assume that i was ever wanted or needed...

i wrote this feeling so f-ed up.

i wonder if these feelings are what i truly feel at all.

i don't know what i'm doing, or what to do anymore.

life sucks. D':

2009-02-09T14:03:00.003+08:00

也许空嘘让我想得太多，

也许该回到被窝，

梦里会相遇就毫不优豫，

大声的说我要说...

我要怎么做才能把你忘掉？

i've been emo-ing and
watching drama series on youtube all weekend...
i hope that this doesn't become a habit...
can't wait for holidays to come...
i wanna spend my time working and dancing (that's it! only 2 things)
i need the $$ for year 2 "printing fund" and hopefully
i can earn enough to last me for at least until year 2 sem break...

i want to forget but it's just so hard.
sucks trying to give up on something
that you tried to hold on to so desperately...
i give up trying to sort things out in my head...
it's not like it's gonna change anything...

blogging in school in the middle of the day...
waiting for IDS to start...
OMG IDS sucks man....
flash flash flash... driving me craaaazyyy.... =P

没有你在我有多难熬...

2009-02-04T00:31:00.002+08:00

no matter how hard i try i just can't seem to hate you

it seems to me that i am someone who is

incapable of hating no matter

how much wrong might have been done unto me.

i have never really hated anyone.

not even the one who stole my first kiss

and then broke my heart two weeks after,

in fact, we're still good friends. =)

weird..... -.-"

here we go assignments...

1) DS (problems solved) due on Friday

2) VDS/IDS on the same week. Next friday.

3) HCD/IDS two week after + presentation

4) DT1 due on the last week of school.

i get frequent headaches and i'm currently

coughing profusely...

my health is already deteoriating... -.-"

i feel like i'm about to cough out blood... YUCK!

i got a new addiction:

MILO DINOSAURRRRR!!!! RARR!!!! XD

2009-01-31T00:52:00.003+08:00

i feel better today

i laughed it off

i'll be fine

i always am (:

TGI Reunion Dinner was 100% AWESOME!!!!

panick is fun... so fun...

it's like an addiction i have right now...

OMG...

rush here rush there....

i must thank these people for helping me

arrange the eisles in the DS studio today:

Cheryl from 02, Ash, Maki, Vencia, Leng Fei,

Brenda for your suggestions and Justin

for helping me with Epicentre and the

getting the tables thing...

i wanna thank Lim Kar Da Ge and everyone

else who were involved with the

photography exhibition and just everything...

the cleaning up and stuff like that....

and Charmaine for bringing the stuff

from T14 for me as fast as you could... (((:

doing all these things makes me feel

so involved, makes me feel alive,

it makes me feel that i live and not only exist

as an empty shell that will never be filled...

i am thankful for everyone around me...

i am thankful for my classmates,

my lecturers, my seniors, my family,

friends, relatives, coursemates, friends from

all over Singapore Poly, SDZ and dance...

i was missing any one of these, i won't be complete

and i would never have become the person that i am today...

i am jolly shandying and eating bee hoon...

gonna get more jolly shandy and deodorant later...

mann i stink really bad without deodorant... =O="

i'm hoping to find someone else at Timbre tmr night...

and hopefully i'll be over it by tmr night... *prays really hard*

in fact i am

already over it...

it's not hard to forgive but to forget.

absolut vodka ad, here i come...

2009-01-30T01:11:00.003+08:00

Goodbye my almost lover,

Goodbye my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you,

Can't you just let me be.

So long my luckless romance,

My back is turned on you.

I should've known you'd bring me heartache.

Almost lovers always do.

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

ARGH...!!!!

Fuck it... I give up...

Now let's do DT, VDS, DS, and IDS/HCD

2009-01-22T21:16:00.003+08:00

i had an aweful week...

thank goodness it's Friday tomorrow...

things to complete by tmr: DT and possibly, my photojournal

i have to say that i haven't been planning

my time properly.

things are gonna clash with each other

and i have no idea how i'm going to deal with it.

i didn't do my comic last night due to physical exhaustion from training...

dancing keeps me happy and sometimes i'll

happily spend time dancing rather than doing my work...

but studies do come first no matter how

bitchy they seem to be and how much the course costs...

i could tell that my mum's fed up with

me always asking for money to buy

materials for my assignment...

i just told her that i spent about $30 for

my photojournal photos and

that she hadn't paid me back yet for the repair of my phone...

sometimes i really do wonder if i have

her 100% support doing what i want and what i love...

i wonder so often that i become

insecure and sometimes i'll even cry over it...

thinking, maybe i don't have her full support

and maybe she didn't even want me to take this course...

i wonder if she will go back on her words and

just... NOT give me that support that i need.

it's not that i don't want to find job.

i DO want to find a job.

sadly, i am not able to manage my time well enough

to be able to balance school and work and dance all at once...

i want to get a weekend job.

it's just hard to get a part time job anywhere these days...

if i do get a part time job, i may not be able to cope...

as in, i may physically wear myself out and be

tired all the time...

but why am i ranting about all of this?

there's no point because it doesn't help the situation...

i should cut down on spending.

like, don't eat so much.

but do i spend that much on food anymore?

doesn't feel like it.

just SUCKS man...

i should learn to stop complaining

and deal with it....

2009-01-21T11:26:00.004+08:00

"My heart skipped a beat today, because I saw you.

It got caught in my throat, ready to jump out.

It felt all funny and tickelish.

I haven't felt like this in a while..."

i was late again, as usual for the 8am lesson... =.="

slept late doing photography and gems assignment...

like 2am early/late kind of timing...

no i haven't finished my comic...

handing in tmr instead cause i'm just too tired

to be rushing like mad...

maybe after training would be worst....

i just gotta deal with it...

things are coming together at last.

(with combined efforts)

i hope nothing else goes wrong...

*fingers crossed*

2009-01-20T11:13:00.003+08:00

i wish this was us.

i think i'm a total bimbo at flash right now...

we've moved on to the advanced stuff...

like CODES and FORMULAS...

my brain don't work well with formulas anymore... T_T

all my A Math tuition gone to waste...

i ~~hate~~ don't like it when people don't come to class

or don't pay attention in class

and then complain about not being able to catch up

without even trying to put in that

bit of effort to ask others to help them,

or to learn how to do it themselves.

i'm sick and tired of it.

stop this ~~fuckedup~~ kind of attitude.

if you're not gonna put in effort

then just leave already.

if you don't like it, drop out and leave.

i can't be bothered anymore.

i'm sick and tired of doing things for people.

just because we're friends doesn't mean

that you can depend on me to do

every single ~~shit~~ thing for you

like make sure you got CD to burn

your stuff into,

make sure you got files to put your report in.

enough already.

2009-01-18T16:14:00.002+08:00

yeah this pictures is the from the series of

camwhoring during HCD lesson!!! hahahaa.....

yesterday was fun!!!

whoo!!! love girls' hip hop!!!

love the choreo that Brian taught us!!!

love the fact that everyone was dancing yesterday!!!

and also!!!

love the fact that i have such good people in my life!!!

after all the dancing...

we went to clubhouse

to see how my hard drive was doing...

while sha was recovering the files...

hanafi and sha sha right...?

they were looking through my photos and pictures and

had comments on almost all of them lah...

and they were laughing like crap man...

embarrassing!!! WTF...?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

ARGH.....

i wanted to dig a hole and bury myself in it...

hahaha.....

but they were so nice to buy me a birthday cakecup/cupcake/muffin

hahahaha....

and sha sha tou pai wo!!!!

and hanafi sang a birthday song to me two times...

so sweet right? who knew hanafi could be so sweet?

hahahahahahhahaha....!!!!

in the end, i couldn't go home

cause i miss my last train and bus to anywhere

by the time the hard disk finished recovering whatever it could...

so i camped in school with Schizo, Charlotte and two of Schizo's friends....

we were at the Bagpipes clubhouse....

wah lao.... that room had aircon, tv, dvd player, couches, table, chair....

whooootss!!!!

hahahahahaha.... super cool....

i watched Chicago dvd that they had....

ok lah... the storyline is like.... haha... had not much meaning to it...

but the theatricals and everything were good... *two thumbs up*

i like broadway so yeah....

but i think hairspray is still better...

hahahaha...!!!! XDDDD

thanks Schizo and Charlotte for taking care of me!

they were really sweet, cool, dope people...

^_^ make sure that i was comfortable and settled in....

yeah, you don't find seniors like these

anywhere else other than SDZ!!!

alrighty then....

i'm gonna go and try to celebrate my birthday...

my mum wasn't too happy that i didnt come home last night....

oooOOoooOOO.....

2009-01-17T12:09:00.003+08:00

it's been a week since my external hard drive crashed....

hopefully sha sha will be able to give it back to me today...

OMG... so nervous...!!!

nervous that i won't be able to get my photos back...

and that i have to reshoot all the pictures all over again...

AND MY BEIJING PICTURES!!! T_T

anyway i cheered myself up by looking at these

pictures!!! XD

*points below*

see lah!

one by one all "Ai Mei"/vainpot

use my laptop webcam to take pictures...

hahahahaha!!!!!
OMG i missed those times mann...

and EDMOND!!!

you like MIA-ing lah...

sometimes i don't even see you online anymore... -.-"

you so busy with what?

hahahaha... just kidding lah!

and yeah i miss Nasha...

cause she's been sick and at home

and not coming to school the whole week...

even though i just saw her on thursday...

i still miss her company....

the darling never fails to make me laugh

or make me feel better... :DDD

Nasha dear, get well sooon!!!

i miss your company!!!

hahahaa...!!!!

nonono, i'm not love sick at all...

hahahaha....

i'm feeling better... loads better after

all the complaining to ppl and all that...

ooooh!!! guess what happened last night?

i missed my stop at sengkang and i ended up at punggol...

THE SECOND TIME THAT HAPPENED!!!

i was snoozing and forgot to check where i was....

*shakes head*

i ended up walking back to sengkang from punggol station...

cause i missed the last train and the bus back....

zzzZZZzzzZZZzz....

suay suay lah hor...?

i had a productive day yesterday...

the day started with me going for

studio wu's open house trial classes...

i took my cousin, Bryan's class... Waackin!!!!!

WHOOTS.... punk baby! punk!!! *two thumbs up*

i love it!!!! XDDD

i'm gonna ask my mum if i can join his class

as my birthday and Christmas present this year... (LOL)

and then i went back to school for HCD lesson

and learnt some stuff that we have to do for assignment...

*ahem* unlike someone who skipped class... *ahem ahem*

and then i got to train my leg muscles by walking home!!!

and burn some calories or fats

or whatever you call it... hahahaa... XDDD

waaah..!! tired!!!

and later i'm going for Khai's girls' hip hop

genre training in school!!!

waaah!!!!

then meeting nicole at 7pm at bugis MAC...

she's going sheesha with her friend Charmaine...

hahahaa....

and no i don't think i wanna do that anytime soon...

i'm just gonna sit and observe...

lols...

maybe go studio and kpo for awhile... =P

"there's nothing where it used to lie,

my conversation has run dry,

that's what's going on,

nothing's right i'm torn"

2009-01-15T11:45:00.004+08:00

it's nice to know that you were there,

thanks for acting like you cared,

making me feel like i was the only one.

it's nice to know we had it all,

thanks for watching as i fall,

letting me know that we were done.

i guess we just lost it.

i'm gonna follow Nasha to get her

materials for her photojournal after school today...

poor girl's so sick and she has a submission deadline to meet.

lucky our lecturer extended for her till tomorrow.

every morning, i'll wake up and feel like i've just ran 100km.

i have no idea why i'm feeling so tired everyday.

it can't be training cause i'm already used to it.

i'm not physically tired after training,

but rather mentally tired because

i've been churning out ideas for my

assignments non-stop since i started poly.

the upside is that it seems so much easier after

the 101 fruits assignment... hahaha...

thanks to mr lau... =P

i've decided not to brood over what happen.

once again i pick myself up

and decide to start afresh.

get back on track and stay there.

it's been a horrible start to year 2009.

but it gets better cause i'm turning 18 on Sunday!

i can drink legally, and i can go clubbing soon!

but i'm more excited about the drinking than the partying...

i need to stay positive and live my life

the way that i've always done.

not really caring about what others say about me.

not caring about what other people say about what i do,

when i do it and what i should do.

maybe a little if it's good advice.

i feel so much better after talking to Gen.

she's the best person to talk to in times like these...

thanks Gen, i love you! :)))

it's so much better to go with the flow and not expect anything at all.

it may seems super sucky to do so,

cause i'm doing it and it feels so sucky...

but i think it's the best way to go from here...

making pragmatic decisions is the new thing for me.

it may not be something i'd want to do,

but i have to do it because it's the best choice/decision there is to make.

profound much?

no not really.

just take it as being in a uniform group.

do pumping, marching, running.

not something everyone wants,

but it's the best way to get in shape. ;)

*all this time you were pretending*

*so much for my happy ending*

2009-01-14T22:03:00.003+08:00

i never knew black and white photography

could be so impactful...

i have had enough.

enough already.

first my external hard drive,

second was my phone,

and now?

my freaking adidas watch!

the straps came off and i only managed

to recover one of the metal rods...

it was a gift that meant a lot to me.

it feels like my dog died,

that sense of loss and helplessness.

i really do like you.

my friends are telling me to let go,

because they feel that it's time...

let me know before it's too late...

let me know if you feel the same way...

i'm tired of all this crappiness in the world right now...

the only light of hope is that

Sha Sha would be able to retrieve the

information from that stupid external hard drive...

*i can't figure out how you stole my heart*

*my mind is gone, i'm spinning round*

*and deep inside, my tears i'll drown*

*i'm losing grip, what's happening*

*i stray from love, this is how i feel*

2009-01-13T14:56:00.002+08:00

who in the world would feel better after

using the stress reduction kit?

i'm screwed, i'm screwed, i'm screwed,

i'm screwed, i'm screwed, i'm screwed

sooooooo SCEEEEEEE-RRRUUUUUU-EEDDDDD

FUCK

i feel like giving up....

2009-01-10T23:27:00.002+08:00

Life's screwed up for me right now...

my external hard drive's totally corrupted...

my photos for 500 shots are completely GONE...

i'm currently running a system scan

to see if i can salvage anything at all...

EVERYTHING'S GONE...

including my music, my assignments...

EVERYTHING...

videos, memories in the forms of pictures...

i just wanna say sorry to siu yun...

because she transferred quite a lot of

pictures into my hard drive...

and now that it's totally corrupted...

i can't think of a way to make it up to her...

all her hard work as well...

and sorry for today...

i think i gave you a hard time complaining

and being super emo and depressed when

we were supposed to have a fun photography trip...

i dunno what else to do but talk about it to someone...

i'm about to cry right now...

all my photos from Beijing are also gone...

my hard work's gone down the drain...

how am i supposed to take 500 reasonably good shots

by thursday and do my photojournal?

i find it almost impossible...

cause i don't have the help of anyone right now...

everyone's busy and they have got their own stuff to do...

by some miracle, and angel would come to me

and tell me what to do...

i'm feeling so desperate right now...

someone please make me feel better...

2009-01-10T01:08:00.004+08:00

Here is the result of all the tracing,

photographing, posing, dancing,

not sleeping,

not eating

and

not caring about what i do

as long as i get it done on time:

i submitted for myself and Nasha 3 minutes

late because of several factors:

1) Siu Yun

2) Sharing

3) Some other ppl

1) Siu Yun because she took super long

to finish up her alphabets and numbers/symbols that

i had to wait till she finished,

wait for the bloody 21mb ++ file to transfer over

before going to print for myself and Nasha as well...

but never mind... friends are supposed to help

during the most crucial time... :)

2) Sharing because there were 5-10 ppl sharing

ONE long ruler to cut the mounting board and etc...

and that ONE long ruler was MINE...

oh and also... not to mention the 2 cutting mats

that the whole of DCMD was sharing yesterday...

=O="

3) Some other ppl because (i shall not mention names)

we had to wait for them to buy

food, pay for the printing, buy

the freaking mounting board

before going back to school to mount and submit...

all i had to do was mount and cut for two people...

myself and Nasha...

and it was so difficult to get it done

because i was being too nice...

i dunno lah...

i think that when i help other people,

i only end up creating more problems for myself...

CONCLUSION:

what goes around does not come around...

maybe it does and in different ways...

i can go back to being optimistic

and change my mentality and mindset again...

maybe it's for the better...

and maybe i should be blocking

out other influences again...

hmmmm.....

well today passed reali quickly for me...

met up with clara at Serangoon Central Mac's

and i had hotcakes and sausage!!! (yummy!)

after that i went to school waaay early

because i promised Nasha that

i'd be there to watch her model...

she looked like the hottest person

among all the models man!!!

and OMG the guys were dressed

SOOO GAAAYY!!!!

and no, i shall not embarass them

by putting up the photos...

i fell asleep in HCD because i was just so tired...

consulted Miss Shirlynn on my

photog assignment...

turns out that i can take pretty good pictures

with like lights... night shots...

after that i hung around t14...

then went to moberly...

SDZ was having the New Year's Party...

but i left in the end to meet

Ash, Chessa, Makiyo and Siu Yun

for a night photoshoot around

Tiong Bahru...

got some pretty good shots....

considering i didn't use a tripod

and the shutter speed was damn sloooww....

i didn't want to set higher ISO

cause there will be a lot of noise in the pictures...

and they cannot be completely removed with photoshop...

anyway i'm going off to bed now...

it's 1.27 on Saturday morning...

2009-01-05T03:28:00.003+08:00

i think i'm way in over my head...

omg omg omg... *shakes head*

take it easy Shina...

you're just gonna get hurt and disappointed again...

i try not to think about it...

i really do try...

but it doesn't seem to be working...

i had an awesome photoshoot on

Saturday at sentosa with nasha and edmond!

some of the shots turned out great...

but i think i kinda screwed up the shots

by making them too dark...

i'm never making that mistake again...

had a lot of fun on Saturday!!!

thanks again Edmond!

and enjoy the biiiig picture!!!

frame it up eh? *winks*

i think i've got nothing better

to do than edit photos nowadays...

since the deadline is so bloody near...

and i haven't bloody chosen all of my

pictures yet...

i don't have enough pictures....

have to keep taking... editing... theme-ing them...

here's a sample of my photo editing skills

if i were to be doing and advertisement

for perfumes or brands... hahha...

by the way, the photos are not mine...

Courtesy of Edmond's friend...

DO NOT ASK

why i edited these photos...

2009-01-03T09:15:00.002+08:00

i'm just too lazy to arrange the pictures in order...

hahhaa...

we went for dinner at swensens to celebrate

Charmaine's birthday yesterday after IDS submission...

and oh boy did i have fantasic meal!!!

hahaa....

the company was awesome,

we laughed alot,

had a lotta fun!

we joked, talked, gossiped (psst!)

hahaha...

it was the best meal i've had in a while...

oh oh oh!

Badron and Charmaine were trying to tie a knot

with the stalk of the cherry with their tongues...

but i go there first!

hahahaha....

what does it mean if you are able

to tie that knot with your tongue?

it simply means that you're a good french kisser!

(ahem...!!!)

ahhahaa.... alright alright...

here are the pictures!!!

oooh and check out our ice cream!!!

aahahh!!! heavenly!!!!

and we eat those with the cupcakes that

Badron baked for Charmaine... (aww... so sweet!! (: )

well if you don't believe that i can

tie that knot with my tongue,

here's proof!!! *points upwards*

heh heh heh....

OMG!!!! A tower of heavenly sinful goodness!!!!

not a very good picture...
but nevermind!
i love my class!!!

this is what Siu Yun had for dinner...
MAC AND CHEESE!!!!

and this is what I had for dinner...

HALF BBQ CHICKEN!!!!

WHOOTS!!!

IT WAS DELICIOUS!!!

alright i'm gonna get ready for photoshoot in a bit...

i'm gonna chiong my typo over this weekend

and my photography...

omg omg omg!!!!

gonna finish my assignments soon!!!

yayness!!!

then there's at least 2 weeks of

break before the end of year assignment...

zzzzZZZzzzzZZZ....

but i'm gonna work extra hard for it this time!!!

YEAH!!!

GAMBANTE EVERYONE!!!!

2009-01-02T03:15:00.002+08:00

DAMN that flash assigment...

oh well i'm just about half done...

YAYNESS!!!

i spent the first day of 2009 sleeping,

eating, watching a bit of tv

and chatting online and

not reali doing my assignment...

i was still so tired after i slept

for like 11 hours??!!!!

i was woken up by siu yun calling me...

asking if she could come over to do her work...

hahahahaha...

in the end she took a nap on my bed

before going home for lunch... haha....

i'm hungry now...

i'm thinking of him now...

i'm still missing him

even though i'll be seeing him soon...

ARGH!!!!

!#$#^_^&*)#%)@

DO FLASH!!!!

2008-12-31T21:22:00.003+08:00

while everyone is out with their friends

counting down to the new year in just a couple of

hours away, here i am once again all alone...

i haven't gone to a countdown in years...

i hoped to spent this year's with the new friends i have

made, but it seems that they all of other people who are

more important to them....

i will spend the first minute of the new year

thinking about you... (:

i wonder where you are with your friends...

even though i just saw you yesterday,

i'm still missing you...

it's like this longing for you to be by my side...

maybe i'm just exhausted and in need

a good rest before continuing my flash trailer...

screw New Year's eve...

it's just like any other night i suppose...

2008-12-27T22:46:00.003+08:00

hey guys!

if you're wondering why i haven't been blogging...

it's because...

I WAS CLEANING UP MY ROOM!!!!!

hahaha... how random right?

but i found it too messy and dusty everywhere

that i irritated the hell outta me

then i decided it was time for spring cleaning!!!

i threw out loads of stuff...!!!

now you can sit on the floor and you can sit
even when the bed's been pulled out!

YEAH!!! XDDD

and yes it actually felt good to clean up my room...

it felt even better to have a proper work station now...

hahaha!!! i finally cleared my table

of all the crappy secondary school worksheets!!!

well not ALL of them... i still keep my tuition notes just in case... :)))

i still have a little bit to clean up...

but that can wait until spring cleaning

for Chinese New Year...

hahahaa...

Updates on Christmas...

Here are my presents:

well i got the EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE i was dreaming about

for the past i dunno... 6-7 months...?

Thanks Uncle Damian and Uncle Julian!!! I love you guys...!!!

then i got a Victoria's Secret nightshirt which is so freaking coooolll.....

Thanks Aunty Sandy and Uncle Adrian!!! ^_^

(forgot to take picture... was too busy wearing it alr!)

And then i got a very nice pouch with 2 little cut-off-like shirts...

and facial wash, hair gel.... and i think it was lipstick!!!

hahaa... Thanks Uncle Fabian and Family!!! ^_^

so Christmas wasn't as bad as i thought it would've been...

yeah... it's just that i wished we could've stayed up longer

to like... i dunno...? open the pressies altogether? hahaa...

yes yes... Shina is kind old fashion... but what can i say?

i like to follow tradition once in a while.... ^_^

ooh oooh ooh!!!

and i got a Canon EXTERNAL FLASH!!!

WHOOOTS!!!! *jumps for joy*

THANKS UNCLE FABIAN!!!!

now i'm ready for more photoshoots!!!

and i don't have to care about the lighting! hahaha!!!

oooh which brings me back to the subject of my assignments... T_T

i've been slacking off during this holiday...

and no, i'm no where near completion of my assignments... T^T

at least the part one of photography is pretty much cleared...

typo is like... shit... i haven't touched it since my last consultation with the lecturers...

which was on... hmmm... the 3rd of Dec?

hahahaa... that was 2 days before DT was due... yups...

so anyway... i'm blogging because i saw that

almost everyone blogged about their Christmas...

and yeah... i think we didn't take any photos this year...

although all of us were gathered and eating dinner and having fun...

we didn't take pictures cause i think everyone was too busy eating

all the delicious food that everyone chipped in to bring for dinner....

hahahaa... well not too bad...

on Christmas Day i got some pictures that i could

use for my photography assignment...

cause i asked my sweet sweet sweet cousins to pose for me... XDDD

i'll upload them once i'm done editing... hahaa...

and no, photography is NOT easy people...

i NEED 50 themes and i haven't exactly thought of

them all and i haven't exactly started shooting for all of the themes that i currently have...

OMG OMG OMG...

i'm so fucking screwed...

BUT I CAN DO IT IF I DO MY BEST!

2008-12-24T12:28:00.002+08:00

I WANT THIS CAMERA!!!!!!!!

CANON POWERSHOT G10

but i'm not counting on getting it EVER... T_T

whatever it's Christmas eve... i shall pretend to be happy...

for the sake of everyone....

but they'll ignore me anyway...

so what's the point?

2008-12-23T10:45:00.003+08:00

i'm like damn sad mann...
i can't seem to sleep any longer than 5 hours....
T_T i'm so tired...!!!!

anyway gonna help minhua with a photoshoot later...
gonna help him do Nasha's makeup...
should be fun!!!

Christmas is coming....
Christmas eve tomorrow...
not sure how it will go...
because we're all grown up...
doesn't seem to be as fun
as it was before when we're
all running around and
playing with the toys we
got in our presents...

There's no more fun in just
tearing off the wrapper anymore...
maybe i've grown up and need
to spend Christmas elsewhere...
but Christmas is all about family...
and i'm stuck with my family every
Christmas even if i do see them
constantly throughout the year...

oh well... i can't do anything now...
Can i?
i'm in absolutely NO position
to make any of the decisions...
i never was and i never will be...
that is also one thing that
contributes to this SIAN-SATION...

Christmas was not supposed to feel
like that...
maybe spending the first
half of Christmas eve with
SDZ should get me in the mood...
hmmmmmmmm............................

oh yeah i changed my blog layout...
the previous one was getting
too old and like...
childish for me i guess....?

actually i don't feel all
that psyched about Christmas this year...
maybe it's because i got assigments...
maybe it's because of everything
that's going on clumped together
to give me this feeling....
or maybe it's because i didn't
spend Christmas with my parents
for two years in a row
that made me like this....
yeah it sounds so ridiculous
but yeah.... i can't exactly explain it...

i needa cheer up... and fast!!!!
but i just can't seem to do so on my own... T^T

2008-12-22T12:21:00.002+08:00

it's been awhile since i took down a post...
well anyway... i got this sian-sation...
i suck man... super lousy...
not liking the fact that i'm slacking my butt off
this holiday and doing assignments
at the very last minute... -.-

gonna have potluck at miss huei's place later!!
whoootss!!! yeah!!!
but the down side is that i'm
broke after spending on that
present for the gift exchange thing later...
OMGZZ... no $$ again... T_T
and i still owe ppl money...
and ppl still owe me money...
which i will not get until january...
WTH... FINE... FINE...
i was being too generous...

been doing nothing until now...
dunno what else to do...
maybe edit somemore pictures...
have somemore photoshoots...
geeezz..... i need a freaking camera
and rahim is not replying me...

anyway...
i got the freaking irritating
rash again...
it's soooo annoying...
i think i'm allergic to something...
but i just dunno WHAT...
i've told my mum...
BUT...
as usual...
she DOESN'T CARE...
i guess i gotta go get it checked myself...
somehow get the
money to do the allergy test...
*shakes head*

2008-12-21T23:03:00.002+08:00

LOLS!!!! the picture that you see above

is brought to you by Edmond...

wahahahahaha....

WTH... u also torture elmo lor!!!

wahaahhaa....

went for NRA concert yesterday...

AND IT WAS FREAKING DOPE!!!!

OMGZZZ....

i needa train up mann.... been slacking like anything... =P

didn't get to take pictures... T_T

cause i sent the camera back for repair...

and like yeah... kinda sucks LAH...

BUT BUT BUT!!!

i did have a great time!!!

one of the dances were so touching...

i cried...!!!!

emotional roller coaster for me that concert...

the different kinds of love...

the one that touched me the most was

the love of a father...

i teared up during that number... omgzz...

slacked the entire day to day...

tried to have a movie marathorn...

BUT BUT BUT ...

i fell asleep during the first movie...

wahahahhaa....

SIAN...

dunno why so tired and lazy lately...

hmmms....

anyhoos...

CLASS POTLUCK TMR!!!!

AND I'M BRINGING MY GUITAR!!!

XDDDD

whahaha....

and i dunno what else to bring...

oohh!!!!

i think i buy marshmellows....

wahahahahaha.....

alright alright...

i'm going back to my food...

yi mee cooked by my grandma!!!

XDDDD

2008-12-19T23:50:00.002+08:00

well i slacked at home today...
only because i had noooooo $$$$ whatsoever to go out...
hahaha... and yeah even my ez-link cards outta credit...
and then i got $50 from good ol' Grandma to go shopping!!!
whoooots!!!! my Christmas is saaaaaaaaved!!!!

i love you Grandma... not because you give me money...
but because you genuinely care for me and Ryan...
and everytime when Mum's away with Dad for holiday on their own,
you took extra special care to make sure that we don't go hungry...
even when we're all grown up now, you still take care of us...
thank you for everything and i'm sorry if i made things difficult...
i don't know what i'd do without you.... :))))))

okay on to my day...
watched youtube guitar tutorials...
and i learnt how to play 2 songs today!!!
YAY!!!!! *clap clap clap*
i learnt how to play My Happy Ending and Nobody's Home...
Avril Lavigne's songs seem to be the easier to play than anything else...
hahahahaha....
and yeah i practised still the fingers on my left hand and my right arm hurt...
it's actually a great way to vent your anger and frusrations...!
another way of destressing! ;)
i wanna try and learn other songs...
like boulevard of broken dreams by green day
and zombie by the cranberries...
i'm still a beginner... but i'm getting the hang of strumming... ;)
and yes i took guitar lessons before but that was classical guitar...
and i only learnt plucking.... yups....

yeah i haven't stayed home like this in a while...
it's good to just chill in your room...
no one but you and the guitar...
i wanna get an acoustic guitar...
currently i'm using my brother's cause
he doesn't play anymore... (as usual, too lazy!)
i wanna get the one at the guitar shop at compass!!!
i saw and awesome red one, blue, and other colours....
but i dunno...
maybe i should just go to cash converters and get a 2nd hand one...
THAT way i save money!!! XDDD yeah!!!
oh and i needa get picks too... and a capo...
i hope i have enough to last me till school reopens...
i'm tooo waaaaaaay hard up on cash..... *shakes head*
CONTROL SHINA!!!! CONTROOOOOOOOOLLLL!!!!!!
GAMBANTE!!!!!

2008-12-18T23:14:00.005+08:00

here are the edited photos from my last min photoshoot... :))))))
thanks for helping me out!!!!

actually, i edited more of them but the rest looked like crap when i uploaded them... NOT good... you can check it out in my facebook... or maybe i'll upload to friendster too...

anyway, i spend almost the entire day alone...

outside... walking... alone... window shopping alone...

met up with sec school friend angela for lunch...

i only had mango ice kachang cause i alr at ate home...

cause i didnt know my grandma was cooking when i made the appointment with her... =.=

anyway, she had to go back to work after lunch and that's when my solo journey of the day started...

here's my route:

1) home to Plaza Sing

2) Plaza Sing to Cineleisure

3) Cineleisure to orchard road, Takashimaya, Kinokunya

4) Spent 1 hr ++ at kino

5) Orchard back to Dhoby Ghaut

6) Dhoby Ghaut to Harbourfront, VivoCity

7) Slacked BIG time at Vivo, ate cup noodles for dinner + 1 can mountain dew cause i'm too poor to afford anything else...

8) VivoCity to Sengkang, HOME SWEET HOME

yupp... that's pretty much the whole day on my own...

i thought i'd get to see you there...

but sadly i didn't...

i was hoping to have some company...

but sadly i didn't...

bumped into some friends but they were

out with other friends...

i was hoping to get at least 1 message from my other friends...

but sadly none came...

only the replies from the messages i sent out to people...

at the end of it all...

i wanted to cry...

i teared up...

i didn't break down this time...

i felt as if i was the saddest, most lonely person in the world today...

what made me feel that way?

maybe it's because i only have a dollar left in my wallet...

maybe it's because i was so hungry...

maybe it's because i ate alone...

maybe it's because i didn't get replies from some of the messages i sent out...

WAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck it.

all of it.

i shall stop complaining how miserable i feel and start thinking about other people.

i am not okay.

PS: thanks for trying to make me feel better guys. it means the world the me. :D

2008-12-17T03:05:00.002+08:00

well i'm back from beijing!!!
and it was a blast!!!
whoo hooo!!!!
i got to see snoooooooooooooow!!!
hahahaa...

to cut the long story short,
although i was emo for most of the trip
because i miss my friends
back home, i still had a good time!
XDDDD

anyway it's back to business and assignments...
i gotta get 2 best shots for my assignment by tmr
so that i can go print the photos to hand in...
get at least one assignment cleared first,
the easiest one then on to tackling
the comic final...
OMG... no time! no time!
still got stupid flash trailer...
awww fcuk it....

it breaks my heart to know
that you were sad...
it breaks my heart to know
that i can't be there for you...
but when it's not alright,
when it's not okay,
i will try to make you feel better...
i will say alright,
i will say okay,
i will stick with you through whatever...

:)

2008-12-07T23:03:00.002+08:00

so here i am blogging inside the waiting area in changi airport...
yes all my darlings, i'm going away to beijing for 8 days!!!
ahahaha... gonna get some reali good photography shots over there...
i'm gonna miss everyone while i'm away...
but i'm gonna be back very soon and plan my next photoshoot!!! XDDD

to Edmond:
HEY!!! Water barrels rock!!! (sui tong) hahahaha...
let's go and drink every type of drink in Singapore!!!
hahahaha... so random... XDDD
and how dare you torture my tweety?!!
it's TWEEEEETY.... not tweeeny... hahahahaha....
next photoshoot we go to the beach!!! XDDD

to Siu Yun my darling:
Siu Yun dear... thanks for coming aaalll the way down from
Boon Lay to send me off!!!
that's sooo sweeeet of ya...!!!
and to help me record oschool recital also!!!
aaaahhh!!!! i lub you dip dip my dear!!!!
and i miss you already!!!

to Nasha:
Nasha dear... thanks for lunch today!!!
i didn't know the sculpture park could be so fun
if you had a camera! wahahahah...
let's take ANANAB shots when i come back!!! XDDD
i'm gonna miss you so much!!!

to the rest of my 01 darlings...
i'm gonna miss you too!!!

okok i gotta go now..
only got limited use on this comp...
bye bye!!!

muacks!!!

ooohhh and SDZ-ians too!!!!

2008-12-03T10:36:00.002+08:00

Shina is officially........

wait for it.....

STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i've never felt so uptight and stressed like this in my life...

not even O levels, not even getting results...

this feeling is NOTHING compared to the ones

i felt in the beginning of the school year...

i seriously need to get my act together and fast...

right now i'm feeling: VEXED, STRESSED, MOODLESS, UPTIGHT, FRUSTRATED, IRRITATED

and also i think that i'm really beginning to lose my mind....

2008-11-28T14:51:00.002+08:00

i find myself smiling more easily nowadays...

it wasn't forced, nor was it false...

i find myself being happier now...

i used to hate cameras...

i used to hate having my picture taken...

i hated every phototaking session....

i used to think that i was the ugliest in all the pictures...

but now i don't think that way anymore...

i don't feel so insecure nowadays...

i don't hate pictures of myself...

i feel more confident...

i feel that i've become a better person...

maybe it's because of you...

maybe it's because of myself...

well, i guess we'll never really know...

once again,

you make me so happy...

you make me the happiest person alive...

you make me a better person...

i can't say i love you because i'm not so sure myself...

2008-11-22T00:42:00.007+08:00

FINALLY.

DS submission's over. i submitted on time today.

phew...!

here's the result of my hard work!!! ^_^

i took a nap... i didnt know HCD started already...

cause no one woke me up...!

even though i told them to... -.-"

by the time i woke up, it was alr 4.50pm...

lesson's supposed to end at 5.30... lol...

i slept for 1hr and 50 mins... almost 2hrs!!! O.O

rushed some HCD exercise for miss shirlynn...

btw, ALL credits go to Nasha cause she did everything...

then rushed off to the convention centre for

Edmond's MMSP talentime...

only to find out that our performance is at 9+ and

me and xiang yi came at like... 6.30?? =.="

anyway, blah blah blah...

the event ended with the crownings...

Hey Edmond! Good job today ya?

Although you didn't win,

you won Mr Personality!!! ;)
Prouda ya, proud to be ur junior in dance!
Thanks for letting me perform with you tonight!!! ^_^

then i was super tired and super hungry...

initially wanted to get dinner with

hanafi, sha, bin, xiang, vincent and wei sheng...

but then it was too late so i decided to go home...

then along the mrt passageway from green line

to purple line at outram station,

i saw sean from dance!!

lol... den stopped and chat for like.... 10-15 mins...

cool lah... haha... we were both going home

at opposite directions... lol...

22 November 2008, Saturday 10.30am

anyway, i started to think either too deeply,

or i was just plain exhausted by this crazy week...

it's the feeling of hurt... i dunno where it came from....

i can't believe it... i cried on the train....

i bounced from outram, to harbourfront to sengkang...

the whole ride of 40 mins i was crying my eyes out...

i made no sound, i made no noise...

i was just crying silently....

the dude with his girlfriend sitting opposite me

must've noticed that i was crying...

i couldn't careless that i was in public...

i let the tears flow until i felt better...

but no, this time i didn't feel better...

my eyes were swollen by the time i got home...

i was so tired i just took a bath and went to bed....

here i am blogging at 10.30am...

i slept for 10 hours... nice...

but i'm still not done with assignments...!!!

i'm gonna try and do DT later...

i have to finish at least half of it

then i can wrap it up tomorrow...

SO NO MORE STAYING UP ALL NIGHT!!!!

clever plan?

i learnt my lesson

NEVER start an assignment even 2 weeks

before submission...

you're gonna DIE if you do.... trust me....

start as soon as you get the brief

and pace yourself....

that's how you produce a good piece of work...

i had to learn this the hard way...

SO!!!!

to all future DCMD students in Singapore Poly,

BE PREPARED FOR A WHOLE LOT OF DRAWING...

and of course a whole lot of coming up with ideas...

this is GOOD training no matter how

crappy, stressful, nonsensical and retarded it is...

hahaha....

anyway, i feel a hangover coming on...

i haven't eaten since yesterday at 7pm+

when i had that bread from FC3...

i haven't had a proper meal since

yesterday's mac breakfast...

my system is sooo damaged and messed up...

EVERYBODY PLEASE DO NOT LEARN FROM ME

NEVER SKIP LUNCH AND DINNER ALL IN ONE DAY

TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY IF NOT YOU'LL END UP LIKE ME...

i got gastric pain twice already in my life...

both were because i refused to eat...

just because i had no appetite and yet my stomach was growling...

if you let this happen to you,

it is most likely your system will be super messed up....

so no more KFC for me...

i'll just eat bread if i have to...

but eat proper food, chicken rice, mixed rice, ban mian etc...

they're there for a reason right?

to keep you healthy lah!

so anyway... i'm gonna go....

do research for my typography assignment

or just watch videos on youtube....

2008-11-19T10:58:00.005+08:00

second post today...

7 hours later i'm in class...

learnt cool new photoshop techniques...

its so awesome!!!! check it out...

stupid painting...

gonna skip gems and do painting...

i brought everything to school!!!

so i HAVE to paint...

might go back to the studio to paint somemore after training...

crap man.... i'm running outta time and energy....

MILO GIVE ME ENERGY PLEASE!!!!

anyway...

dots.... -_-

as usual... woke up late today...

*shakes head*

BAD HABIT!!!!!!!!

woke up at 7.59am....

slept at 4.am...

is it understandable that i wont be able to

wake up from an intended nap?

or rather... i slept at 4am that's why i'm too tired...

and that's why i could hear my alarm as well....

nowadays i either don't hear my alarm...

OR i wake up before my alarm goes off... -_-"

basically, total crappiness these days...

2008-11-19T03:31:00.002+08:00

i'm tired....

had 4 and a half hours of sleep last night... so obviously it isn't enough....

here i am, still awake at 3.35am doing a post...

doing my layout on my canvas in pencil....

but first, a break from it....

and eat portuguese egg tarts!!!

hahahaha.....

i'm feeling better, as in my mood...

but i'm still tired due to the lack of sleep....

and ecstacies like chocolate and coffee to keep me awake....

i wonder if holland v's coffee bean opens at 7am....

oh yean it's 24 hrs!!! hahaha....

lucky DT submission is pushed back...

and thank God that mr lau is our lecturer...

hahahahaha.....

oh my eyes....

they are so tired...

i can hardly keep them open till i do the stencil for my painting....

oh dear....

i'm in deep shit now....

you make me happy.

you always do.

everytime i see you,

being happy seems easier than breathing.

once again i'll wait for you...

^_^

2008-11-17T16:47:00.002+08:00

WTF....

i'm in IDS now...

i'm lost...

i hate Flash...

i can't do flash to save my life...

omg.... -.-"

my head is killing me...

seems like half the class isn't here...

so bad lah...

PS the few of us who came...

while you all go and do ur DS and DT...

i know submission is on Friday lah...

but there's a time for everything you know?

haixx.... i'm moody and emo again...

emo songs...

feeling emo...

sad...

frustrated...

vexed....

preoccupied...

URGH!!!

i just want it all to end now...

i don't want anymore of this crap...

sucks when you try to live your

life and it turns out like shit...

it's fucking irritating...

it's pissing me off...

2008-11-17T01:09:00.003+08:00

okay i must reali be feeling bo liao today...
cause this is already my third post!!!
anyway just a quiz to keep you guys
entertained... hahaa... found this on livejournal...
i have an account but i'm not giving you guys the link! =P

Wake Up
1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the meme from.Bonus editorializations to potentially enhance readability from 0 out of ten to 0.5 out of ten.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
My Girl - Big Bang

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Free - Shinwha

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
100 Years - Five For Fighting

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Lights and Sounds - Yellowcard

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Running - No Doubt

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
借口 (excuse) - S.H.E

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
My Humps - Black Eyed Peas (WTF?!)

WHAT IS 2+2?
You Make Me Wanna - Blue

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Vuelve - Ricky Martin (ermm..... -.-)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lottery - Chris Brown

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Aaron's Party (Come Get It) - Aaron Carter (paaaarrr-taaay!!!)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Ocean and Atlantic - Mayday Parade

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Once Upon A Time: Battle of Life and Death - Good Charlotte

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I Won't Say I'm in Love - Hercules

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Oyeme - Monica Naranjo (ROMANTIC!!!!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
What a Girl Wants - Christina Aguilera (LOL)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Tu Recuerdo - Ricky Martin (umm... NO!)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Take A Bow - Rihanna

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Only One - Yellowcard

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
To The End - My Chemical Romance

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Baby Don't You Hurt Me - Atomic Kitten

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
第一次爱的人 (the first person you love) - Cyndi Wang

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Bring Back The Funk - Krafty Kuts

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Beat of My Heart - Hilary Duff

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
S Club Party - S Club 7 (ahahhahahaha!!! )

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
You're Timeless to Me - Christopher Walken and John Travolta

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See - Busta Rhymes

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Friends - Rain

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Set Adrift on Memory Bliss - Backstreet Boys

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Wake Up - Hanson

yaya.. whatever... the answers were supposed
to be random anyway... hahaha...
i love taking quizzes like these!!!
cause you never know the outcome!!!
anyway... i practically slept throughout the day...
yeah i'm a piiiiig man....
hmmmm...
anyway.... i got an idea for my DT so it's
just drawing everything out
and refining them by tuesday so that
i got more time to spend on the stupid
script for our CD lesson and the stupid painting...
whyyy???? whyy?? why a painting??
why so soon??
you gave us the bloody canvas ONE WEEK
before YOUR deadline!!!!
you reali expect all 60 of us to
complete it by then? are you crazy?

anyway.... *deep breathe*
i'm trying to keep my temper in check...
no more excuses for blowing up
for no good reason...
and i might scare ppl into thinking that
i'm short tempered and should be friends with...
haiixx....
i'm going to sleep now....
anyone who reads this post....
yes, i am feeling very much RANDOM....

2008-11-16T12:50:00.001+08:00

omg i just have to post this....
second post today... but like... urgh...
i got lotsa work to do...!!! T^T

1) DS painting plus report and research + development (the usual)
2) DT1 part A of assignment
3) Script for CD presentation (thurs)

omg... 1) and 2) due on friday and 3) is due on thursday...
PLUS!!! MMSP PERFORMANCE!!!! FRIDAY!!!!
*faints*

2008-11-16T12:31:00.003+08:00

oooo... i love the lights!!! ^_^

went to escape theme park with my primary

and secondary school friends yesterday...

i got free ticket!!!

but wasn't in the mood to play play... D:

hmmm... reason being i got a lot of

proj and stuff going on....

honestly i didnt reali want to go...

but i was afraid of disappointing my

darling friend so i went... and stonned there

while they all run off and play the rides...

i sit/lay there taking care of their stuff....

i did a lot of thinking within the 8 hours

i was waiting for them to play finish

so that we could go off together for dinner or something...

to my disappointment, we didn't have dinner together...

only me, Cheryl and Angela went to Mac's at

white sands to makan while

Lynn, Cherie and Zoa went home in a TAXI...

man they're rich....!!!!

i take bus... i support public transport... LOL...!!!

seriously... i save 9 bucks plus plus if i take a bus

compared to a taxi... gosh....

Edmond's song remix for his MMSP

performance is on replay...

has been on replay since... last night??

216 times and going now....

hahahahahaha...!!!!

damn cute lah the choreo!!! ^_^

i had a blast learning it!!! heheheehe...!!!!

and i will do my best in the performance!!!

dancer's pledge yeah?

hahaha...!!! i just made that up... hehehe...

anyway, before sign off:

Cherie darling...!!!! i'm sorry that i

sorta ruined your day on saturday....

i know you wanted me to relax and

forget about my stress but i just couldn't...

thanks for inviting me none the less...

i love you love you love you!!!! muacks!!!

okok i shall go do up my sketches and

start painting asap so that i can

concentrate on my performance!!!

GAMBANTE SHINA!!!!!

HAIK!!!!

*runs off*

2008-11-15T00:19:00.007+08:00

Siu Yun, if you were wondering

what we did to your Elmo when you weren't looking...

ahahahahaha!!!! now you know!!!!

whaahahaaa... ROFL...!!!!!

Cerlyn made Elmo do all those funny funny shots okay...

NOT ME!!!! i only camwhored with Elmo...

aahhahahaha....

i'm feeling better already...

went for dance practise for my mmsp performance

with chipmunk XiangYi and Edmond...

wah lau... two seniors and me one little junior...

i feel so small....hahaha....

dance session was fun today!!!!

hahaha... i got to freestyle my samba!!!

belly dance!!! hahaahaha!!! siao already....

omgomgomg i seriously need to work on my groove man...

i look like crap doing all the ripples and stuff like that...

shytt... where to find time?

after assignments and during the next suuuuuuuuuper long break?

ahhahaa.... i'll probably be dancing 24/7

cause i'm addicted to performing... aahhahaa....

Shina... Shina.... Shina....

jia you for both assignments and mmsp performance!!!

gambante!!!! XDDDD

2008-11-14T02:26:00.004+08:00

okay so this is the second time that this picture has appeared
in my entries... it's not a good thing...
something's seriously wrong with me...
i don't think it's PWS anymore... (post waves syndrome)
PWS doesnt make ppl careless of their belongings...
PWS doesnt make ppl NOT do their homework
PWS doesnt make ppl spill milo on their laptops...

yes i spilled milo on my laptop by accident...
how stupid to put the cup anywhere near it
in the first place...
i'm thankful that it's still working....
except for the clicking keypad thingy....
but no matter i got my mini-mouse to do the clicking...
*shakes head*
i need to get myself checked for defects...

i'm still feeling down...
i don't know why i'm feeling like this...
i've never been this moody for this long a time...
okay maybe i have...
but maybe it's just that i'm having a bad week...
i'm gonna have some sort of consultation with
my lecturer later... to talk about my life...
wth... i'm nowhere in the mood for that now...
not with so many things on my mind...
so many things to do but dunno which to start first...

i wanna tell you everything...
i'm just afraid that you'll react differently...
too differently that i have this phobia
of letting someone in, or of simply getting my
heart broken once again...
i'm listening to Almost Lover, over and over again...
brings back painful memories i do not wish
to revisit because it just hurts too much...

i wanna cry... let everything out...
i wanna let you see me cry...
but i think it'll just scare you away...
that's what i'm most afraid about...
i'm afraid of disappointment...
i'm afraid of not being able to be your friend...
i'm even afraid of myself now...

i know i'm not the only one going
through these things....
i know that there are other people who
have been through worst...
it's just that i'm taking this badly...
i know i shouldn't whine because
i'm living a better life than some other people...
i'm not ungrateful or unappreciative...
i'm just feeling...

it's only when i'm alone that
i let my truest feelings out...
for fear that my friends will worry for me...
for fear that people will see me differently
because i'm not my usual cheerful self...
honestly i wasn't always happy and cheerful...
it all started on the 14th of April 2008...
that Shina became a happy person...
if possible the happiest in the world because
of the friends she made and the class she's in...

i'm afraid of being ostracised again...
be treated like shit by my classmates...
like being back in secondary school...
like being used and then thrown aside...
the feeling seriously sucks...
i've always ignored it so that
i would show that i'm affected...
but deep down i've always been crying...
i'm always crying even if i'm laughing on the outside...

these are not tears of joy,
neither are they tears of sadness...
i dunno what they are they just
come flowing out...

i'm tired...
i'm very tired...
i just wanna sleep and never wake up...
i don't know why i'm already giving up...
my life has just started...
is it normal to feel this way?

2008-11-13T11:29:00.003+08:00

omgomgomgomgomg

yesterday was sooo freaking super scary...

i almost lost my wallet for the second in a month!!!

heng sia... the RP ppl were nice enough to come to the interchange

to return it to me...

i met this girl who was in the concert and i

asked if she saw my wallet, den she

started calling a hell loads of ppl...

hahaha... i can't thank them enough man...

so potluck was wayy fun...

i ate so much that i was so full...

hahaa....

but when i got home my mum

gave me all her delicious scrumptious

cooking to eat also... ahaha... damn shiok!!! :DDD

i love love love love love my mummy!!!!

LOOOOOOKIEEE HERE!!!!!

her delicious vegetables with prawns and toufu!!!

WHOOOTSS!!!! Steamed fish!!!! XDDDD

And my all time favourite.... HERBAL CHICKEN!!!! WHAAHHAAHA!!!!

I'm going to appreciate and cherish every single day of my life

and have no regrets or whatsoever....

and to Siu Yun, i'm sorry i snapped

at you yesterday when you wanted to come

with me to look for my wallet

when i realised that it was missing.

i just wanted you to get home as early as

possible, so that you won't kena scolding

from your dad just because of me.... ^_^

i love you baby!!!!

2008-11-11T21:34:00.002+08:00

i feel so bad.... I'M SORRY SHA SHA!!! so your picture is on this entry... hehehe...

i was supposed to pass my thumb drive to sha sha after school so that he could help me upload smaller versions of the photos i took to the forum... then i totally forgot!!!

he waited for me for so long at the clubhouse... awww mann....

even though he said it's okay... i still feel so0000 baaaad.... DDDDD:

and i couldn't eat my dinner... i just didnt have the appetite...

awww man.... i think i basically screwed up my own day today....

omg... i dunno why i'm so emo right now... urgh....

maybe it's the stress? maybe i didn't get enough sleep?

i went to get my stupid mask for my stupid assignment after school...

i was so caught up in doing the assignment that i totally

forgot that sha sha was waiting for me to pass the thumb drive to him...

stupid mask... stupid venice assignment.... make me forget

things so easily... =.="

and one mask cost $3.40 and it's not even the good

quality one okay...

the solid one is like $8.99... CRAZY PRICING....

it's like daylight robbery lah...

"Events" happening tomorrow:

1) VDS critique session for typography

2) Venice assignment consultation

2) my boring GEMs

3) SP Sports Day (what a waste of time. i got bored of sports day 4 years ago... -.-")

4) SDZ Potluck!!!!! (WHOOOOOTS!!!! LIKE FINALLY??!!!!!)

haahhaa... out of the four mentioned,

i'm ONLY looking forward to the LAST one...

hahaha!!!!

ooohh!!! i'm gonna make jelly later!!!

i don't care how long it takes i'm making

A LOT OF JELLY!!!! XDDDDD

2008-11-11T01:10:00.006+08:00

okay so this post is dedicated to like... hahaha.... photos and camwhoring!!! XDDD

2008-11-10T00:55:00.009+08:00

hahahahahaha...!!!!! Sha Sha and his orange hair!!! lolss!!! FREAKING AWESOME!!!

oh my goodness...

i'm being drowned in a tsunami of homework,

and assignments and stress....

i'm trying to keep from going under...

at least i know that someone else is going through

the same thing as i am... and they are my classmates!!!

thank you ariel and chessa for coming

for the show in the afternoon show

and li juan for coming for the 7pm show...

your support is greatly appreciated!!! XD

thank you Mumie, Ryan, Ku Ku and Tai Ku

for coming to watch in the afternoon as well...

your love and support as always been my

source of strength to keep on doing

what i love the most!!!

thank you Damian Aku, Aunty Regine

for paying to watch me dance!!!

you guys are the best!!!

Darren and Xuan Xuan,

thank you for watching Shina Jie Jie dance...

i hope you enjoyed the show and

i promise it will be even better next year!!!

to Adrian Aku and Aunty Sandy,

thank you for all your support and

encouragement that you have always given me...

although you couldn't make it for the show,

you will have the chance to watch an even

better one next year!!!

to Audrey Jie Jie and Rick,

i hope you enjoyed the concert!!!

although i didn't see you after the show,

i hope to meet up soon to catch up!!! ^_^

to Gen, thanks for coming to my

first ever dance concert instead of

playing the organ for your children's choir...

hahaa... i know that you did all that for me...

once again, you're one of the bestest friends

anyone would be lucky to have!!!

thank you for the rose!!! you know i love roses!!! XD

Cherie, Zoa and Lynn,

thanks for taking time out from your

studying for o levels to come

and watch me dance at my very first concert...!!!

and YES!!! LET'S CAMWHORE TOGETHER!!!

hahahahahahha...!!!!

call me out for the weekends and i'll

bring that super cool camera to take

super cool jump shots for you all!!!

whhahahaha!!!!

okay this is like official thank you post...

hahaha....

right now... i'm like totally addicted to the

performing and being on stage and

being totally 10000000% super freaking high!!!

whaahahahahhaa...!!!!

it feels AWESOME lah!!! lolss!!!

FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yes!!! Bling i wanna have Waves everyday too!!!

****edited***
HAHAHA...!!!
I ALMOST KENA KILLED FOR NOT DOING THIS
*****************************************
SPECIAL THANKS TO NASHA FOR BEING
THERE FOR ME AND SIU YUN WHEN
WE WERE TRAINING HARD FOR THIS
WE CAN'T THANK HER ENOUGH FOR COMING
LAST MINUTE TOO!!!!
LUB YOU DIP DIP NASHA!!! ^_^

******I HAD A FREAKING AWESOME TIME PERFORMING WITH EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN STRICTLY DANCE ZONE******

******YOU MAKE ME WANNNA... ... ...******

2008-11-09T00:56:00.002+08:00

WAVES 13 WAS A SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!

lolss... i'm like still super high... as tired as my eyes are...
hahahahahaha....
it was so DOPE!!!!
People will be coming back for next year's
performance!!! yayness!!!! XD

thank you every single person in
Singapore Polytechnic Strictly Dance Zone!!!
i love every single one of you to the core
even if i don't know all of your names...
hehehehehe...
you guys are like a family to me now...
you guys mean the world to me now....
and i will cherish the times we spent together,
sweating, complaining, popping, locking,
krumping, spinning, grooving, singing and
of course, CHEERING AND GETTING SUUUUPER HIGH!!!!

hahahahahhaa...
i took loooooaaaaddssss of pictures!!!!
will upload them once i get my
card reader back from sha sha...
haahahahaha...!!!! XD

2008-11-08T00:58:00.003+08:00

Christina Aguilera - Loving Me For Me

People ask if I'm in love with you

Because I'm sitting here with your picture

And smiling to myself

I'm kinda lost in my own thoughts of you

My heart speaks before my mind thinks through

And I blush as I say yes

What a feeling of vulnerability coming over me

And I'm feeling weak and I can't speak

Never thought I'd give in so willingly to a human being

With abilities to set me free

Free, make me be me

Makes me want to say

Your lips, your love, your smile, your kiss

I must admit it's a part of me

You please me, complete me, believe me

Like a melody

Your soul, your flow, your youth,your truth is simply proof

We were meant to be

But the best quality thats hookin' me

Is that you're loving me for me

People ask why I'm in love with you

Well, let me start by saying

You got my heart by just being who you are

And what we got is between me and you

It doesn't matter about the money I make

Or what I do, or that I'm a, huh, a star

Unconditionally you're there for me

Undeniably you inspire me, spiritually, so sweet

This is meaningful, is incredible,pleasurable, unforgettable

The way I feel, so sweet

Makes me want to say

Your lips, your love, your smile, your kiss

I must admit it's a part of me

You please me, complete me, believe me

Like a melody

Your soul, your flow, your youth,your truth is simply proof

We were meant to be

But the best quality thats hookin' me

Is that you're loving me for me

Its so amazing how something so sweet

Has come and rearranged my life

I've been kissed by destiny

Oh, heaven came and saved me

An angel was placed at my feet

This isn't ordinary, he's loving me for me

Stripped of all make up, no need for fancy clothes

No cover ups, push ups

With him, I dont have to put on a show

He loves every freckle, every curve, every inch of my skin

Fulfilling me entirely, taking all of me in

He's real,he's honest, he's loving me for me

2008-11-08T00:43:00.002+08:00

my goodness! how the days pass so fast!!!
Waves 13 is only 18 hours and 45 mins away!!!
we're gonna have our first show at 1pm sharp....
the second one at 7pm...
omg omg omg omg omg omg omg....
NERVOUS WRECK MAN....
WHOOTS...!!!

i dont normally feel like this...
but yeah...
first time performing hip hop on stage
with like other hip hop people....
lolss...!!!

it's been so long since that i actually
performed in front of an audience...
goodness....
super psyched! super nervous!
and i dunno when Shina ever got nervous...
hahahahahahaha....

SDZ IS THE BEST DAMN THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!!!

2008-10-29T10:34:00.002+08:00

HELL YEA!!!!
We get to do ONE FINAL DANCE AS A WHOLE CLUB!!!!!!
WHOOOOOOOTTTSSSS!!!!!!

This is something fucking awesome!!!
i get to perform 3 numbers in total...
wahahhaahhahaha...!!!! :DDD
omg... i can't wait for the choreo
to be finished and we perform next saturday!!!
XDDD

despite me losing my wallet,
i feel a bit better about it...
but still.... T_T
kk i gotta go back to lesson XP

2008-10-20T23:47:00.004+08:00

haven't been blogging lately...
maybe i dont quite have that habit nowadays cause there's not much to blog about...
anyway i'm thinking of getting my hair done for Waves 13 concert... hmmmm... haha...
yeah... i wanna get hair like this!!!!

and and and and i wanna get highlights like these!!!

hahahahaha...!!!! crazy right?? right?? whahaa...
i dunno why but i looooove it!!! XDD
maybe i'll put the highlights on hold and got cut my hair tmr or something... :DD
yay!!! i'm gonna get a new hair cut!!! whoots!!! whaahaha...
21 days to waves!! jia you everybody!!!
lalalaalalala!!!!!
i gotta get pumped up and everything!!!
first time performing on stage!!! wahahahaha!!!
ok well not my very very first time...
maybe my third or fourth... BUT!!!! still!!!!
i'm gonna work my ass off during training...!!!!
Gambante!!!!!

2008-10-10T00:39:00.003+08:00

well i'm finally updating in 8 days... hahaa....
28 days to WAVES 13!!!!!!!!
please come and support hor....
you can buy the tix from me...
it's $10 each and i can get more.... XD

anyway... i shall update on a few things...
i've been just slacking...
dancing....
slacking...
but i seem to be so busy...
wahahhaha...!!!!
went to sentosa on sunday with SDZ....
IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!
even though i was sitting down most of the time
and all that... i still had fun
with everyone who went...
and no i didn't take any pics... :'(

sad lor i didnt bring my canon baby.... D:
anyway...
then on monday i went to paint t14...
and then i didnt know about
a mass locking session...
so like wth i missed it...!!!! D:
tuesday went to paint t14 again...
then left for dance at around 5 plus....
dance and slack until late
then went home even though i was
soooo hungry, i couldn't go eat with
the others cause my mum wants me
home by 11pm nowadays....
what a drag.... -.-"

wednesday, met up with my photography
group to do our coffeetable book...
then we registered for our gems...
then after that went to help out at t14
again... wtf...??? so many times...
then went for dance....
i waited 4-5 hours before the actual
thing started lah... wth lor... URGH!!!

and guess what?
we finished painting and most of the
illustrations on the t14 walls today!!!
wahahahahaha.... damn nice sial....!!!
and it's Ashlyn's design!!!
she's so talented and if it weren't
for her, i think our illustrations
would've looked like super crap lah!!!
take a look!!!!

the dude in the second picture
is mel's and siu yun's friend
from camp...
even though he's not in our course,
he willingly stayed back
to help us finish painting the room!
so nice right?! haha....
yeah i think so too!!!
wahahahha.....

okok i think i'm gg to sleep
like now....
whahahahaa....
yeah i'm freaking tired today....
eye lids are drooping...!!!
wahahahha.....
ok ok... bb :)

2008-10-02T09:59:00.002+08:00

you know what?
i realized something...
okay maybe it's not the first
time... but...
hahahahahaha...
what the heck....!!!
SDZ ppl are so fun!!!
hahaahahahhahahaa...!!!
they always seem to be able
to make me smile no matter what...
hahahaha....
they remind me of DCMD 01...!!!
AWWWW i miss them...!!!
can wait to get together
to crap during lessons again...!!!
wahahahhaa...!!!!

SDZ SDZ SDZ SDZ SDZ SDZ!!!!
WHOO!!!
and and and and and!!!
i've decided to go to
SENTOSA on Sunday!!!
XDDDDDD
for once i'll go for SDZ outing!!!
wahahaha...!!!
oops!!!! but what to wear???!!!!
i can't wear bikini...
i think they'll all diieee....
wahhahaha...
i'll just bring my swim suit....
1 piece because i feel
like being covered up...
lols...

okok i'm gonna go get ready
to meet my DS group
to do our powerpoint slides...
YESSSS!!!
IT'S GONNA BE DONE SOOOOON!!!!
XDDDDDD

PS: SHA SHA!!! OREO FEAST ON SUNDAY!!!
WHOOOOOOTSS!!!! ^_^

2008-10-02T01:00:00.003+08:00

i also dunno what to update today...
haa...
super bored... sian...
disappointed in the way
i wasted my holidays like that...
hahahahahaha....
but i like it because it was like 2 whole months of
dancing 75% of the time!!!!!!!!!!
wahahahahhaahhahaa.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XDDDDDDD

been listening to chinese songs
again...
and michael jackson...
been doing house choreo...
cleaning up....
kena drilled by seniors....
kena polished by seniors...
kena scolded by myself....
i keep scolding myself, nagginag
at my own head to keep on practising
if not i'll just be wasting my
time at sessions and in school...
and the seniors effort to teach me
will go to waste...
and my efforts to get here will
also be going to waste...

HAIYO...!!!
like i got life but no life...
i got a life in dance...
but no social life....
haii...
i miss DCMD 01....
i miss all my classmates...
but i see siu yun practically everyday
so she's not one of them... XP
i miss FC3 food!!!!!!
i wanna eat my nasi bryani!!!
my mutton!!!
my fish and chips!!!
tmr i will eat fish and chips!!
XD

public holiday feels the same...
everyday feels the same...
until school kicks in... again...
and sometimes i don't understand
why ppl rather go to school
than have holidays?
maybe they got nothing else better
to do?
seriously...
why are some ppl soooo freee?????
URGH!!!
i'm jealous that they got so much
time on their hands while
i only got so little...
and i gotta do 101 things...
other seem to be managing them
quite well but meeee???

let's just say i suck and
managing my time...
and i suck at a lot of things
that i'm expected to be good in
or that i'm expected to
know how to do properly...
it's not difficult...
i just can't do things
as well as other ppl can...
kinda disappointed in myself for that...
but you know...?
life goes on....

STOP WHINING SHINA AND GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!

i should stop whining, complaining...
and do something about what
i'm not happy about in my life....

2008-09-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

went to watch Hanayori Dango final today...
it was super nice!!! XDDD
so romantic... so sweet...
omgomgomgomgomg...
i'm melting everytime i think
about it now... haa...
went to watch it with siu yun at orchard cineleisure...
yupps....
and guess what? we bought the couple seat!!!
XDDDD
wahahahahahaha...!!!!!!
i had fun man...
i ate subway and dougnuts today!!
haa... yeah actually that's all i ate
and i'm still not feeling the least hungry!!!
is that a good thing?
haha....

i am a hopeless romantic...
yes i am....
if i ever get a bf i'll make
him the happiest guy on earth...
XD
but whatever right?
so sad no one wants me...
sniff sniff....
but why do i care...?
i got siu yun!!!
whahahaha...!!!
but nononononononono.....
i am not lesbian... i'm straight okay...
straight as a ruler....
haa... makes not sense...
my mind's gone case alr i think...
wahaha.... madness personified....
lolss

2008-09-29T00:33:00.003+08:00

i'm feeling loads better now...
Siu Yun dear, i'm sorry to
make you so worried about me...
i'm fine now... and it's because
of your concern for me... :)))

Ariel dear, thanks for
your tag as well...
i can't ask for better
friends and companions... :)))

i went to watch Wall.E with
my brother today...
cause my mum gave us money
to watch a movie instead
of letting us rot at home...
waahahahahaa....
it was so cute and so funny...
XDDD

after which we went over
to our uncle's place for dinner...
and dinner was YUMMMMMMMMYYYYY!!!!
XDDDDDD
we had a small thin crust pizza
which he bought from DOME,
aaaaaaaannndd... PASTA!!!!
the good old traditional
pasta with the tomato based
pasta sauce and minced meat!!!
wahahaa... we ate until we were
sooo stuffed!!! XDDD
OH HAPPY DAY!!!

and we played with our cousins
again... hahaa...
sooo cuuute!! still can get over
how cute rachel is!!!! wahahaha...

2008-09-26T23:27:00.003+08:00

i don't know why... but i just feel like posting again... yeah... i know... i'm super weird and abnormal... super weird and abnormal Shina...

Shina sucks at everything...
Shina is not happy with herself...
Shina is feeling super lousy...
Shina is the worst person ever...
Shina is the dancer with the worst attitude...
Shina doesn't know how to cherish...
Shina doesn't know how to seize the moment by the throat...
and Shina can't feel anything but hate and rage right now...

Shina feels hate for herself...
Shina feels hate for whatever she has done...
Shina is depressed...
Shina is not in the mood for jokes...
Shina is really really frustrated...
Shina does not have time for games anymore...
Shina is angry at herself...
Shina is angry at herself for being this way...
Shina hates the way she is...
Shina doesn't know how to change...
Shina can't seem to get the message...
Shina is too proud...
Shina is the suckiest person alive...
Shina is never gonna feel good enough for anyone...

And Shina is dying on the inside...
Day by day she dies...
Day by day she disappears into the background of reality...
and soon she will be non-existant...

2008-09-26T22:57:00.004+08:00

who knew you could lose all of your confidence in one day?
well i think i sure did... hai...
kinda sucks when you have to choose between
two things that are equally important to you...
and when you've made that decision,
you don't know if you will regret it...

but the thing is, i'm not regretting anything...
because i got to spend time
with my brother on his 14th birthday!!! XD
we had sushi and swensens chocolate fondue
and his free birthday firehouse...!!! XP

and tomorrow is dance session again to practise
everything that i have learnt...
and hopefully i will improve...
maybe i won't no matter how much and how
long i practise because i find myself
too darn narrow minded to accept
the fact that i'm not perfect in doing
the choreographies and techniques...
and i gave up auditioning for
Flava today....

what's my reason?
because the seniors decided that
flava is the last genre to audition for,
and also to have it after
8pm...
so i gave up waiting for over 2 hours
and went to celebrate my brother's birthday
instead...
i actually gave up Flava to eat Sushi and ice cream...
gosh... i must be a terrible person...!
DDDDDDDDDDDD::

here are some pics i took
of our dessert at Swensens!

what happened to me today?
i do not know...
i think i'm the worst dancer
there is...
maybe i'm not even a dancer at all...
i'm just a person who dreams of becoming one...
i can't dance....
i can do choreo... BUT
i can't do freestyle cause i SUCK at freestyle...
yes... Shina SUCKS at freestyle... 100%

and Shina was 100% emo while waiting
for Flava auditions to start,
only to find out that it starts
after 8pm and she has to choose
between celebrating her brother's
birthday and auditioning for one of
her favourite genres...
i felt so lousy on the way
back to sengkang...
i don't know how my SDZ will
look at me tomorrow when i go for
session, and i don't know
what to tell them...
maybe i won't have to tell them
anything because they don't really
care if you had to make a decision
like i did...
maybe they only care about us
training hard to make WAVES 13 a dope one...
and they care about us
making progress...
THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PIPIPAPIPUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!
X 10000000000000000000000000000000 times
>:(

i'm going to emo somemore...
i'll be okay...
like i always am...
like i always seem to be...

2008-09-24T01:45:00.003+08:00

i've been changing the songs
on my blog like a million times
already... but i can't help it...
my mood changes everyday...
so today i felt like listening
to Michael Jackson!!!
THE EVERY REIGNING KING OF POP!!!
XDDD

hahahaha....
but reali, you guys should
watch his music videos....
it's like mind blowing...
even now...
haha...
he's soo cool....
he can do locking and popping!!!
WTH i never knew...
i thought his moves were
just like.... invented by him
or something like that....
but now i know!!!
haha...
posted some of his awesome
videos on the SDZ forum to share
share share share... ;)))

anyway i think i'm going to bed now...
waaahh... sleepy!!! XD
night night...

2008-09-23T09:37:00.004+08:00

i am so tired...
yes i am...
but i need to go on...
i can't give up when i've come this far...

i don't feel like helping
out in the cleaning up...
i reali don't...
because i'm so freaking tired...
and because i got dance training after...

hmm...
meeting siu yun earlier today
to give her tutorial
on one week worth of
dance sessions and techniques...
yupps...
she nearly died yesterday
from the flava and street jazz
routine... poor thing...
and she hasn't been sleeping
well too...
poor girl had 2 camps had
2 camps in a row... and
usually in camps you don't sleep...
go figure...

anyway i'm gonna go get ready to meet
up with her for lesson number 2...
locking and hip hop groove (which i detest)...
yupp...
haiyo!!!
i simply hate hip hop groove...
DON'T ASK WHY...

2008-09-22T04:34:00.002+08:00

it's 4.35am and i cannot seem to get to sleep...
no i am not thinking about anything...
no i am not thinking about anyone...
and no, i did not take caffine before going to bed...

i'm chatting with xue yi online....
just random chatting...
asking how life's been etc...
omg....
i think i need to change my bed
and my pillows...
YUCK!
the things that live in your pillow
and your bed... eeewww.... (shudders)

anyway... i'm gonna go try
and watch...
maybe naruto... and maybe i'll fall asleep
somehow...
also...
maybe it is because of my lazy sunday...
hahahahahaha....
did do anything at all but
watch tv and eat... wahahahaha....

2008-09-21T14:18:00.003+08:00

i'm just tooooo lazy today...
i don't feel like doing anything...
i even blogged half-way
and went to sleep last night...
haha...
i couldn't even wake up...
i DIDN'T even want to wake up...

i'm sooo tired...
i went for last minute
locking session with Sha Sha
and a couple of other guys...
it was fun..!!!
two of them were like... haha...
damn funny man... lolss....
here's the video!

Damn funny right? wth lah!
i think i'm gonna like...
go brush my teeth and eat...
cause i'm hungry!!! XPP